Careless death

Please, don't be in a hurry to scroll off this piece away.

This is the story of a young hustler who found love but never lived to consummated its allure.

After working hard for many years, Akin the only son of his aged mother succceeded in founding Funmi, the woman of his dream.

He was driving home the nght before their wedding day, when a yellow Lagos Transit Bus drove past him.

The very moment the bus overtook his New Luxury Car was when a passenger in the bus threw out a plastic container.

Akin lost control of his car while dodging the thrash from hitting his windscreen.

He ran into an electric pole along the road, which eventually landed on him.

That night, the next call Akin's bride got was the news of her groom's demise

-Akin died with blood decorating his handsome face.

Please, dear reader, help families retain their joy.

When you throw out thrash from a moving vehicle it endangers all the beautiful people we share the road with in many bad ways, and it's very dangerous,

If it hits another vehicle next to you.

Please, use a waste basket or take your thrash home.

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE CHOOSING TO MARRY SOMEONE:

1. "Are you sure God is in it?"

Can you confidently say your future together has the backing of God?

2. "Will your faith be an issue?"

Are you a believer? What's your faith? Faith in God is such a personal thing in people, people defend it and even put it above their spouse. Talk about this before marriage

3. "Are you the best of friends?"

Beyond the romance, sweet stuff, intimacy, chemistry; are you true friends? Friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship

4. "Are you attracted to each other"

Sex is a gift to be enjoyed in marriage. Wait till marriage to have sexual intercourse, but before marriage do you find each other sexually stimulating? Does the person ignite your sex drive or do you struggle to make a connection? Is the person your kind of sexy? You have sexual needs, it is dangerous to enter marriage with someone who will frustrate that need yet expects you to be faithful. You don't have to have sex or see someone naked to know you are attracted to them

5. "Do you really know each other?"

Ask yourself if you are rushing things, if you have really known each other enough, your strengths, limitations, annoying ways and admirable ways? Can you look at that person and say "I know you deep"?

6. "Has your love passed the test of time?"

Has your love passed the pleasing and mushy phase where you just show the good side of you? Have you gone through challenges and storms that reveal who you both truly are and valued each other even more? Have you gone through moments where you could have quit but you fought for your love because you truly need each other? Has the quality and strength of your love been tested because bigger battles await you in marriage.

7. "Will finances be an issue?"

How do you both handle finances? Does little money make you intolerable to each other? Does big money bring pride and economic wars? Money comes and goes but will it change how you view each other? Finances are a big threat to marriage if handled wrongly

8. "Are you comfortable with each other's past?"

Every one has a past; the good, the bad, the ugly. With what you know about each other's past, will you love each other fully or will you keep bringing up the dark past, attacking each other with scars of the past? When you go through tough times will you belittle your tough present by comparing it with the glorious past you came from?

9. "Can you handle each other's relatives?"

Not every in-law will be loving and accommodating. Get to know your potential spouse"s family, but incase they don't like you will you two be divided? The ideal is to be accepted by your spouse's relatives, though the reality is some relatives smile on your wedding day but look for reasons to attack you later. Remember you are marrying your lover, not your lover's relatives or parents.

10. "Do you love yourself?"

You will never love another purely and fully without first loving yourself. Resolve any issues you have with yourself, don't hide behind marriage.

11. "Are you individually ready?"

Both of you must be ready, not just one. Interrogate your reasons for wanting to get married? Is it external pressure or internal conviction and desire? Never should you walk into marriage and later on feel trapped.

12. "How do handle disputes?"

Has your love matured enough to the point of having a dispute solving mechanism? The closer you two get the more frictions will emerge between you two. Have you agreed on how to handle arguments, differences of opinion, tempers, feelings, communication, decisions or do you relate in a crude non-re conciliatory ways leaving room for potential chaos?

13. "Are you willing to give your all?"

Marriage will not work unless you give your all. Are you ready to commit to that one person all your life, to let that person completely in and put your heart on the line to reap the benefits of the highest union between two people?

HOW TO APOLOGISE TO YOUR SPOUSE

1. Don't justify why you did wrong. Accept it was wrong

2. Don't seduce your spouse into sex hoping that sex will make your spouse forget the wrong you did and you can escape humbling yourself to say sorry

3. Don't blame your spouse for making you do something wrong. Be an adult. Take responsibility for your actions

4. Don't send friends, family or siblings to apologise on your behalf. It shows cowardice. Face the one you have wronged

5. Don't belittle the wrong you did as if showing your spouse he/she is overreacting. If it is a big deal to your spouse, take it as a big deal

6. Don't start listing your spouse's past wrongs when your spouse confronts you on your current wrong. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs

7. Don't apologise on social media or put a post on Facebook or WhatsApp status hoping your spouse will see it without saying anything in private. Make your apology personal and heartfelt

8. Don't brush it off and move on as if nothing happened just because you know your spouse loves you. Don't sweep things under the carpet

9. Don't throw money and gifts at your spouse and doing good deeds without addressing the hurt you have caused and the issue. You can't buy your way into healing. Healing is emotional, not material

10. Don't apologise rudely and casually saying "Aah, OK then, I am sorry then if that will make you stop complaining" just because your spouse has asked for an apology. Show genuine remorse

11. Don't wait for when your spouse has decided to divorce you or to break up with you to let go of your ego and say sorry. You might be too late

12. Apologise as soon as possible, sincerely, acknowledging your fault, recognising how it hurts your spouse, assuring him/her of your love and commiting to do better.

7 FACTORS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU MARRY ANYONE-Agreement And Yokability

Agreement

The Bible asks this important question in Amos 3:3, "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? The answer is a capital NO!

By definition agreement is the state of being of one opinion about something or harmony of opinion, action, or character.

There are issues that a couple needs to be in agreement on if they will navigate the ocean of marriage successfully.

Take for an instant, a feminist and a non-feminist, these two people are different in opinion, when it comes to submission, order and leadership in marriage.

If they are not in agreement in this area, what do you think will happen? I leave the answer to you.

As a man, you want to marry a housewife, a woman that will stay at home and take care of the home and the children yet you will not look for such a woman to marry.

You will be looking for an ambitious career driven woman and want to force her to stay at home, you're looking for trouble, Sir!

Lack of agreement will lead to conflicts, irreconcilable differences and if these are not managed properly, the continuity of the marriage will be under threat.

Yokability

In 2 Cor 6: 14 the Bible says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness..."

In Israel, the farmers have a practice of yoking two animals of the same kind, say two donkeys, together for the purpose of ploughing the ground for plantation.

The two animals that are yoked must be of the same kind. You can't yoke a donkey and a sheep together, you cannot yoke a donkey and a cow together. That's an unequal yoke.

Marriage is a yoke. It yokes two people of the same kind and with the same purpose together.

A believer and unbeliever is an unequal yoke because the both of them are different. They carry different natures and have different purposes.

Because of love, many zealous sisters got married to unbelieving partners, today they are nowhere to be found in the faith. Their husbands stopped them from going to church and rubbished their Christian lives. The same applies to some brothers.

When you yoke a donkey with a sheep together, there will be a problem. The donkey is likely to strangulate the sheep to death or the donkey may end up having a hunchback as a result of bending.

So ask yourself, can I be yoked with this person and there won't be any problem?

If you don't want to be strangulated to death or develop a hunchback, my dear look for your mate.

Your progress in life will either be accelerated or decelerated it all depends on who you marry.

So these are the factors you need to consider before you venture into marriage. No matter how much you love someone, if these factors are not checked, I bet you there will be problems.

Make your marital journey as easy as possible by getting it right from the beginning.

Tick the boxes before you go further

Love

Compatibility

The will of God

Good character

Suitability

Agreement

Yokability

This is the reason why we have prayer, friendship, dating and courtship. They are not for frivolities. They are agencies and mercenaries for getting things right.

I hope you can agree with me now that love is not enough reason to get married to someone. Tell me what you think in the comment below.

Thanks for reading.

For counseling and prayers, what's app Dr okechi Iwunze on +234706511522

7 FACTORS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU MARRY ANYONE-Suitability

Water gets levels. Shoe gets size. Clothes get size and so do you when it comes to marriage. Everybody is not your size.

Even God understands this. In Gen 2:18 the Bible says, "The Lord God said, '“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”'

By explanation, suitability means when something is capable, qualified, fit, proper, and appropriate for something.

You cannot put a squared peg in a round hole.

Love notwithstanding, it is not everyone that is suitable for you, your personality, your purpose, convictions, aspirations etc. Look for your size. Find your levels.

7 FACTORS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU MARRY ANYONE-Good character

There are ladies that are so in love with their guys that abuse them physically, emotionally, psychologically and otherwise yet they will not leave them because of love.

These guys beat them blue and black, disrespect them and do all manner of things to them but they are still stuck with them.

This is how many of them end up getting murdered in cold blood. The same applies to some guys. So check for good character.

Because you love someone doesn't mean you will not check out his or her character. A person's character is who he or she is and that is what you will live with in marriage.

When someone has a bad character, no matter how much you love the person, my dear you will suffer.