This is love?

When single ladies choose to cohabit with men, yielding to free sexual servicing, domestic chores and the likes, what exactly goes through their minds?

This is love?

This will make him marry me?

I am married and this is my duty?

This is what it takes to hold a man?

Which?

More importantly, why is it difficult for women to see this at this point.

Chances are many are reading this now telling themselves "no, this is not me. My own case is different. We are in love."

Okay then. Love.

What is love? What to you is love?

We cannot understand, you think. 

Welcome to the journeys that led to the pregnancies that led to undesired marriages that became toxic and ended up in very hurtful divorces having one person bearing almost all the physical, financial and social cost of it as a single parent.

Welcome to the realities many of us currently live but then, maybe we don't understand.

If he truly loves you, he'd do the needful and marry you right. Don't be mistaken. When the right one comes along, he'd do away with all the excuses he's giving you and marry her. Unfortunately, many learnt this lesson the hard way.

The choice is yours.

-Shamseddin Giwa

Stages of infidelity gaslighting

- Feigned confusion: What girl?

- Pretend Anger: I don’t know any girl.

- Attempted refocusing: Who told you? Why did you check my phone?

- Deliberate denial: It’s not what you think/I don’t know her/ maybe when my friend used my phone.

- Shallow apology: If you say it’s like that then I’m sorry……it’s not what you think though.

- Attempted blame game: I didn’t want to do it, you caused it when you…..

- Sweep away: At least I have apologised.

- Emboldened denial: I don’t remember anything like that happening.

- True reveal: I’m not saying I did but even if I did, what would you do?

In the end, you are left questioning your own sanity and sometimes even having to apologise!!!

-Shamseddin Giwa

DEAR MEN,

A man who can control his sexual urge is a man who can

live many years on earth. Men don't know that some of

their failures are caused by multiple girlfriends Not all girls

have good spirit. Some are demons, others have venom

between their legs.

Some women are destiny destroyers, beware.

Pay close attention:

1. A real man only has one woman in his life.

2. Don't obey your Erection at all times. Most erections

mislead you Control your erection if you don't want to have

few days on earth with much poverty in you.

3. Don't date a lady because she has curves, boobs and a

sexy shape. These things are simply misleading avoid

such, don't fall for what is called social media irony.

4. Not everything you see under skirt you must work to

eat, some skirts contain snakes that bite you and make you

uncomfortable. control your sexual urge Self control and

abstinence pays a lot in most cases.

5. Marrying a woman doesn't mean she owns you. Treat

her with respect Make her your queen, love, honor her and

give her reasons to treat you the same.

6. Having many girlfriends doesn't make you a man. It only

makes you a womanizer, a cheater and a boy.

7. Just because you're good in bed doesn't make you a

man. A real man is a man who does not run away from his

responsibility but faces it squarely.

8. Respect any woman who loves you Yes, is not easy for a

lady to throw her love on you and support your future.

9. The world celebrates successful men No one will

celebrate you for having many girlfriends. So what's the

point tho? Waste of energy, money & wasted sperm.

Remember, being honest, loyal and faithful, is the

trademark of a real man.

Always remember that….

(C)

MY SPOUSE, WE NEED TO GROW UP

1. We need to grow up and stop this game of tit for tat. It is childish to revenge

2. We need to grow up and stop this silent treatment that lasts for weeks. Grown ups don't behave like this

3. We need to grow up and stop talking constanly about our problems and start focusing on solutions. Grown ups act

4. We need to grow up and stop exposing our children to our drama and issues. We shouldn't act childish in their presence with disunity and attitude, they are under our care

5. We need to grow up and learn that disagreeing doesn't mean we don't love each other. Grown ups learn to work through the differences

6. We need to grow up and become accountable and responsible so there is no need to suspect each other. You don't need to police me, I don't need to police you

7. We need to grow up and stop allowing our parents and friends from coming between us. This is our marriage, not theirs

8. We need to grow up and stop shouting and provoking each other like children. Grown ups communicate in a more peaceful manner

9. We need to grow up and stop living only for today and start thinking about future investments for security. Grown ups plan ahead

10. We need to grow up and stop reducing our marriage to just sexual partners. There is so much we can do together besides having sex

11. We need to grow up and put down our pride and accept we need help. There is no shame in praying to God or seeking counsel when we are stuck

12. We need to grow up and stop thinking only about ourselves. How can you and I come together to add value to society as a couple?

© Dayan Masinde

MARRIAGE IS NOT A SCAM

1. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some men are getting married with a lowly and negative view of women and some women marrying with a repulsive and suspicious view of men. Work on your view of the opposite gender

2. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some couples are living together without having a joint vision and values. Work on the foundation of your marriage 

3. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some people are marrying for the wrong motives, when the motive is wrong, everything crumbles. Ask yourself and your spouse, "Why did you get married?"

4. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some people are too selfish in marriage to consider the other person. Love calls you to be considerate of the other.

5. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some people married and became parents without sufficient preparation. What you're not prepared for will overwhelm you. Study, learn, buy books, read articles, go for counselling to equip you with tools in how to be a better parent and spouse. Don't pretend to be a "Know it all" yet your family is not getting your best. 

6. Marriage is not a scam. It is that some people would rather hold on to their pride than admit wrong and say sorry. Your marriage needs humility.

7. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some people are getting married without healing from the pain of their childhood. The bullying, rejection, pain, trauma you experienced as a child can destroy your marriage if you don't heal. 

8. Marriage is not a scam. It is just that some people used to quit easily in their dating relationships and now they don't know how to quit in marriage because they are tied by a marriage certificate, public pressure and children. Stop this habit of being a quitter, marriage will require effort. This is not dating, this is marriage.

9. Marriage is not a scam. It is just some are sadly listening to the wrong advice of bitter friends and hurting social media souls.

THERE IS MORE TO MARRIAGE THAN SEX

Your vagina may be sweet; but it means very little if your words to your husband are bitter and harsh. 

Your penis may be good and take your wife to orgasms; but it means very little if you don't lead her to God.

Your lips lady may be delightful to kiss; but it means very little if your presence is disrespectful.

Your penis may be really hard when erected; but it means very little if you can't stand by your wife during hard times.

Your butt may be nice to touch dear lady; but it means very little if you don't touch your husband's heart with your gentle love. 

Your tongue might drive your wife's clitoris wild; but it means very little if with the same tongue you tell her hurtful and insulting things.

Your hips may look sexy when you walk; but it means very little if your mood swings make your husband lack peace because you are full of drama. 

Your erection can last a long while; but it means very little if your good treatment towards her doesn't last beyond the sex. 

Your breasts may be exciting to squeeze; but it means very little if you keep putting your husband through stress and pressure.

Your fingers may be skillful at playing with her nipples and skin; but it means very little if you play with her emotions and hurt her.

There is more to marriage than sex. Don't just be sexy; be caring too. Don't just think about sexual needs; think about emotional, spiritual and financial needs too. Don't just be great at sex; be great at loving too

©️ Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde