Foolish spending

I meet a guy on Facebook, we dated and we agreed to see our selves face to face though we agreed to get married to each , this guy is living in Lagos and before I accepted as a friend I told him that I don't like distance relationship and he said that will not be a problem, at time we promise to see each other, he said that he is not financially buoyant that I have to support him financially with 20000k which I did he use the money for expenses including buying drugs for his mother. Now I sponsor him with 24000k and he promised to send me back the money , but ever since he went he has not responded positively rather asking me to send more money to him that he is dying of hunger. Am just confused I physically i can really understand this guy. Please I need an advice!!!

She doesn't like sex

Please I seriously need advice on this. I'm in a stage of confusion now. I pasted a post here some time ago, and some of us here advises me to go ahead and marry the woman that she is going to be the best wife. I took to the advice, but now the woes is happening. Posted here that a girl I wanted to marry doest not like sex and we were in a serious relationship, and when I confronted her about it she told me I should marry her first before sex. Recently we have started the marriage process. I have done the formal introduction which causes some good amount of money. And I also pay in some money in cash as been demanded by the family, and we have finished every arrangement on the payment of the remaining things but I have just relies that my wife does not like sex. To the extent that she told me I should go and get it somewhere else. Her complain now is that I stay too long on sex. We hardly have sex ones in a week, but she always one me to stay around her. I can say is always on a serious pressure that we can have sex two to three times in a month. We can be together in a house for one full week none of us goes out but know touching. She is no longer a girl. We are of the same age. I have not been satisfy in bed with her. Now the issue is how long will it continue and I is it true that I will have two wives? Or I should not not continue with the remaining process which is to pay the remaining things including the Britt price? Are this things are what I'm thinking. Pls I need advice.

My compatible partner

Forging a romantic connection with a potential partner can be thrilling and nerve-wracking all at once. After all, how can you truly know whether the spark means genuine compatibility? 

Fortunately, experts in the field of love, dating and relationships have advice for those unsure whether they are experiencing the start of a lasting connection.Forging a romantic connection with a potential partner can be thrilling and nerve-wracking all at once. After all, how can you truly know whether the spark means genuine compatibility? 

Fortunately, experts in the field of love, dating and relationships have advice for those unsure whether they are experiencing the start of a lasting connection.

To find out what those looking for love should know about compatibility, the idea of “the one” and dating in general, we spoke to Nikki Lewis and Greta Tufvesson, the founders of The Bevy, a bespoke matchmaking service in New York City

According to the co-founders, who pair potential partners without using pictures or last names, the most important step in finding love is going into it with an open mind.

If you are relying on dating apps or blind dates, this means refraining from researching a date before meeting for the first time. 

 rule of thumb is to have an open mind before even going on a first date,” Tufvesson told us. “Don’t judge or create preconceived notions of who this person is based on a Google search or gossip

Understanding what you should be looking for in terms of a romantic partner is also integral - as compatibility doesn’t mean finding someone who is the same as you. 

“Compatibility is not about how similar you are, but more about how you complement each other,”

Tufvesson explained. “Do you share fundamental goals and visions? If you’re just looking to date someone who is exactly like you, you put yourself at risk of boredom.” 

In addition to keeping an open mind, Tufvesson suggests being willing to “learn about someone’s differences, and work towards a similar vision of what you want your life to look like”.

When you do find someone with whom you can have a lasting connection, Lewis said the relationship will have certain attributes, such as shared trust, “clear and honest communication,” patience, understanding, and lastly, fun.

“It takes a lot to make a relationship work and last, but if these fundamentals are in place then you’re in a good spot,” she said, adding: “Make sure you have a deeper connection that cultivates long-lasting happiness - like intellectual stimulation, empathy and respect.”

Alternatively, if you feel that you may not be compatible with a partner, there are certain signs you should look out for. 

For example, if you notice that your relationship is sucking energy from you, it is likely because you are not a good fit for one another. 

“Real connections give you energy,” Lewis explained. “If you don’t feel joy, excitement, or inspiration from your significant other, then it’s time to move on.”

It is also important to be wary of relationships that are based on “superficiality,” as these relationships can “feel good in the beginning, but can also be harmful,” according to Lewis. 

If you do realise the person you thought was your soulmate isn’t for you, the good news is, despite what we’re taught in movies, “the one,” or the specific person you are meant to be with, doesn’t actually exist.

“The idea of having one and only one soulmate is an unrealistic notion,” Lewis said. “We live in a huge world. Your perfect soulmate could speak a different language and live on a different continent - but that’s not a realistic working relationship. 

“So no, there isn’t just one right person out there made for you, there could be many or a few wonderful matches.” 

Researchers previously found that having similarities with the person you are dating isn’t as important as most people think. Instead, finding a person who is “nice” is what matters, according to the 2019 study.

“People invest a lot in finding someone who’s compatible, but our research says that may not be the end all be all,” said Bill Chopik, associate professor of psychology and director of Michigan State University’s Close Relationships Lab. “Instead, people may want to ask: ‘Are they a nice person?’ Do they have a lot of anxiety?’ Those things matter way more than the fact that two people are introverts and end up together.”

Overall, researchers said that even among couples who share similar personalities, having a partner who is “conscientious and nice leads to higher levels of relationship satisfaction”.

To find out what those looking for love should know about compatibility, the idea of “the one” and dating in general, we spoke to Nikki Lewis and Greta Tufvesson, the founders of The Bevy, a bespoke matchmaking service in New York City

According to the co-founders, who pair potential partners without using pictures or last names, the most important step in finding love is going into it with an open mind.

If you are relying on dating apps or blind dates, this means refraining from researching a date before meeting for the first time. 

 A good rule of thumb is to have an open mind before even going on a first date,” Tufvesson told us. “Don’t judge or create preconceived notions of who this person is based on a Google search or gossip

Understanding what you should be looking for in terms of a romantic partner is also integral - as compatibility doesn’t mean finding someone who is the same as you. 

“Compatibility is not about how similar you are, but more about how you complement each other,”

Tufvesson explained. “Do you share fundamental goals and visions? If you’re just looking to date someone who is exactly like you, you put yourself at risk of boredom.” 

In addition to keeping an open mind, Tufvesson suggests being willing to “learn about someone’s differences, and work towards a similar vision of what you want your life to look like”.

When you do find someone with whom you can have a lasting connection, Lewis said the relationship will have certain attributes, such as shared trust, “clear and honest communication,” patience, understanding, and lastly, fun.

“It takes a lot to make a relationship work and last, but if these fundamentals are in place then you’re in a good spot,” she said, adding: “Make sure you have a deeper connection that cultivates long-lasting happiness - like intellectual stimulation, empathy and respect.”

Alternatively, if you feel that you may not be compatible with a partner, there are certain signs you should look out for. 

For example, if you notice that your relationship is sucking energy from you, it is likely because you are not a good fit for one another. 

“Real connections give you energy,” Lewis explained. “If you don’t feel joy, excitement, or inspiration from your significant other, then it’s time to move on.”

It is also important to be wary of relationships that are based on “superficiality,” as these relationships can “feel good in the beginning, but can also be harmful,” according to Lewis. 

If you do realise the person you thought was your soulmate isn’t for you, the good news is, despite what we’re taught in movies, “the one,” or the specific person you are meant to be with, doesn’t actually exist.

“The idea of having one and only one soulmate is an unrealistic notion,” Lewis said. “We live in a huge world. Your perfect soulmate could speak a different language and live on a different continent - but that’s not a realistic working relationship. 

“So no, there isn’t just one right person out there made for you, there could be many or a few wonderful matches.” 

Researchers previously found that having similarities with the person you are dating isn’t as important as most people think. Instead, finding a person who is “nice” is what matters, according to the 2019 study.

“People invest a lot in finding someone who’s compatible, but our research says that may not be the end all be all,” said Bill Chopik, associate professor of psychology and director of Michigan State University’s Close Relationships Lab. “Instead, people may want to ask: ‘Are they a nice person?’ Do they have a lot of anxiety?’ Those things matter way more than the fact that two people are introverts and end up together.”

Overall, researchers said that even among couples who share similar personalities, having a partner who is “conscientious and nice leads to higher levels of relationship satisfaction”.

Why men ????

Am at the point of committing murder because I have never been this angry. In this locked down my husband brought his girlfriend into our home without my knowledge. The babe came prepared. We have a two bedroom flat in our basement. Is a kind of guest chalet that my husband always use when he is doing research,writing books and reading for professional exams. Sometimes when we have visitors that comes in from outside the country they stay there, the place is like a guest house well furnished to taste with all the kitchen utensils. 

So this babe and my husband planned to come and stay in the basement . She bought food stuffs, brought her clothing and she came in when no one could see her and checked into the guest chalet. I noticed my husband spent so much time in the basement all in the name of writing his book that he needs quiet time away from the kids. I didn't suspect anything until now. I just finished cooking and I decided to take the food to surprised him there. As I gained access to the flat, I started perceiving smell of food. Lo and behold I met my husband and his babe naked and asleep having eaten food cooked by her in the living room. I went round the house and saw her clothings, shoes, toiletries in the bedroom. I screamed and the both rushed into the bedroom and met me. I bounced on him and started beating him. They were both naked. I feel so hurt and betrayed. Bringing her into my home is a huge slap on my womanhood. Now the problem is she can't leave as Abuja is locked down. How can I handle this? Will she stay here for 14 days. I feel like killing the both of them now. My husband said the babe is pregnant and insisted she can't stay alone during the lock down so they both decided she come and stay in the guess chalet. Someone should tell me what to do before I kill the two of them. 😭😭😭😭.

NK talk

I am 30yrs old. My story is a very long one  butI will just cut everything short. I met this man in 2010 and we started dating and I got pregnant for him few months after. He decided to go to my place and pay my bride price but my people refuse to collect the bride price because I was pregnant. So they told us to go back to lagos and come back after I have given birth so that was how we started living together and after 2years, I gave birth to another baby and we started having issues that led to break up in 2016.to just cut long stories short, when we were still apart he called me one day and proudly told me dat for my information, he is HIV positive and for that, I should stop doing shakara. Initially I thought he was just trying to say that to make me feel bad because I have done so many HIV test even when I was with him and after I left him. Infact this story is too long. All this while he has collected the kids from me since 2016 so I normally go to the east to visit them. Last year I visited my kids and spent two months with them. During that process I don't sleep in his room so he stated complaining and doing everything to get me back even went as far as trying to convince me to go down with him. But I reduced to do so. I told him we should go the hospital and I will do all the inquiries b4 I will accept. To my greatest surprise th secret cam up. After all long stories, he confess to me that he had HIV in 2004 and he met me in 2010 and his motive was to infect me with it and wen I get to know, I won't be able to liv him again. But God almighty has proven himself in my life and my kids. I am negative and my kids are negative too. But this man still don want leave  ealone. He is beginning me to come back to him and let him go and pay my bride price. I don't want him again he is a wicked man. I have moved on with my life but his father and mum keep begging me to come back to him.

Cheated wife

Nigerian Nigerian woman (Name withheld) narrates how she sleeps with her husband’s girl friend, because her husband stopped having time for her.

READ BELOW:

“I have been married to John, my husband for about two years now but I find myself sleeping with his best friend.

“My husband and I started dating when we were in the university. John has a best friend from his school days called Dave.

“John, Dave and I were all friends in those days until I later got married to John.

“To be honest, I had a crush on Dave back then in school but due to some circumstances, I had to bottle up the feelings. However, I never stopped admiring him from afar.

“John was an outspoken guy. He came from a wealthy family. He virtually did not lack anything while in school.

“John was very supportive financially when we were in school. He helped out with my school fees and other expenses. I owe him a lot for the assistance he rendered throughout my education.
I guess I accepted his proposal for a relationship with me because I felt I was indebted to him.

“After our graduation, we got married. I thought my feelings for his best friend would die down and I will learn to love John but I was wrong. The feelings never left.

“Barely a year after our marriage, my husband completely changed towards me. He started keeping late nights. He barely had time for me, his wife.

“I confronted him several times but he gave me sarcastic and insulting responses that he was out there making money for the both of us since that was what attracted me to him in the first place.

“I was beginning to lose interest in the marriage. I decided to contact his best friend, Dave to help me talk to him but all his friend’s effort were unsuccessful.

“Dave was very sympathetic and caring. He call to check up on me almost every day.
He could tell I wasn’t enjoying my marriage which was just two years old.

“Dave kindness towards me reignited the feelings I have tried so hard to bury. Whenever, my husband was away on business trips, I invite him over to keep me company.

“At first, I kept it strictly on old times friendship level only but at time went on, I couldn’t hold my feelings any longer. I opened up to Dave about it and how I waited for him to ask me on a date then before his friend won me over.

“Dave’ response surprised me. He told me that he also had feelings for me but couldn’t tell me about it because his friend had interest in me back then in school.

“It was in this moment of truth that for the first time I cheated on my husband with his best friend.

“I felt bad about it but the absence and attitude of my husband wasn’t helping matter.
Rather, it made me go back to his best friend for more.

“I know this is wrong. I am a married woman sleeping around with another man who happens to be my husband’s best friend.

“I want to stop but the feelings are just too strong. Right now, I’m caught up in the middle and I don’t know what to do.

“Despite the fact that I am not enjoying my marriage with John, I still feel guilty for cheating on him severally.

“What should I do now? I am so confused because I love Dave but I also have an obligation to my husband.