Rules of courtship

1. Courtship is not where you choose who to marry, it is where you test your choice.

2. The beautiful thing is that the test in courtship is both ways, you are both a candidate and an examiner.

3. Even if you heard God, courtship is when you see how you match. What do you need to adjust and what is a prayer point?

4. You are both God's imperfect gifts. Courtship is where you learn the kind of imperfection you are dealing with.

5. Courtship is where you come to and may have to run back to God and ask 'is this the one or I should expect another?'

6. Oftentimes, courtship is God's major test for your own readiness. It can stretch you so hard your immaturity snaps.

7. When you start having sex, you have stopped courting, you have started marriage! That thing blinds too much.

8. The more premarital sex goes on in the world, the more marriages will fail because discipline and preparation is lost.

9. Failed courtships account for a lot of failed marriages. The lost art of preparation is the reason for bad performance.

10. Whilst I don't prescribe any length of time, you better get yourself some time before marriage to relate and familiarize; to appreciate who you both are on a basic level, to reasonably forecast the full weight of what your combination will be, to reasonably predict outcomes and appreciate signals of both pleasures and pressures.

11. Courtship must not end in marriage if you realize the choice was a mistake or the choice is corrupted. The next points will explain.

12. God anointed King Saul but rejected Him. God can give you a partner and because of their personal choices reject them before marriage.

13. I know you have been going out for so so and so years, but that's not enough to marry a person you suddenly realize is outside GOD'S order for you.

14. Don't lie to yourself about the truth in courtship; marriage tells bitter truths to those who lie such lies.

15. Don't stay in the relationship on blackmail when your heart knows it's over.

GRANNIES AND GRANDPA'S: A GIFT TO HUMANITY

"I am with you always..", Pope Francis says in his address regarding the celebration of the elderly and grandparents.

More often than not, we are so busy and occupied that we tend to forget about our lives ones. More especially our elderly ones, who have over the years nurtured us and brought us to become what we today. These persons which we are encouraged to celebrate today always commended us in prayer to God, advised us and even support us emotionally.

We are thus challenged by the soothing words of the Pope to make that promise of Christ to be with us always become a reality in the lives of our elderly ones.

Let me even ask, when last did you speak to your grandma and grandpa for those whose are still alive. Even those whose have departed this world, when last did you pray for the repose of their souls?? Let us examine our consciences today and begin to accord the elderly amongst us the respect they deserve.

May Ss Joachim and Anne, the grandparents of Jesus intercede for us all. Amen.

ACTING VICTIM!

I always hear ladies say "He just used and dumped me, after all I suffered with him, after all I did for him ".

My dear friend, if you didn't give him your kidney, sell your father's land or give him a loan to start a business, you did nothing.

That you drank garri with him is because you're also broke. If not, you would have prepared a decent meal. That you stayed in the gutters or under the bridge with him is not a sacrifice, because if you had a palace,you wouldn't have done that.

About using you, my dear, if it was a mutual agreement between both of you, then you shouldn't say he used you. You both had fun and used yourselves

The only reason you feel hurt and left out is because you abandoned yourself in his shadow. You lost yourself in him. While he is staying out at night thinking outside the box, while he's setting goals and achieving them, you were busy counting the days, waiting for him to blow or hammer .While he was investing in his future, you left yours stagnant without any meaningful long term plans. A young guy is struggling to survive, struggling to make it, but you will come in the name of girlfriend to ask him money for hair, shoes , cream, soap, pad, undies, thereby spending what he's supposed to be saving or investing , and in the end, you begin to wail on how he used and dumped you after suffering with him.

My dearest sisters, my point is, stop supporting him in bed. Start supporting his dreams, ideas, and vision. As he's struggling to establish himself, strive to make yourself relevant, add values to yourself, make your own money, too. Don't depend totally on him.

If you don't contribute anything tangible either in cash, assistance , anything that's progressive or crucial towards his success, don't play victim if he gets tired of the relationship.

Times have changed. Men are no longer the only ones winning bread , women are now bread winners, too.

Sex is not enough!

Love is not enough!

Have a purpose!

PROBLEMATIC MARRIAGE

You are a lady, you have no job, no handwork, no business, no trade that you are running nor has anything tangible in your hand as a means of support or a help to that man's struggle and you said you are ready 4 marriage.

What are you going there to do? Are you going there to burden that man with your life budgets ,kill him untimely with stress of meeting your needs when in the reality according to the word of God you are the one to be a help meet to any man you chose to be with, or what exactly are you going there to do?

Think ladies

Is there evil connection with children born dada

By Emeka Walter Dinjos

In Igbo land, it is believed that children born dada are of spiritual origin — the dark side — and are possessed because their mothers visited shrines and made pacts with deities to conceive them.

And I am dada. ?

Chill and follow me......

I should be furious. I should claw my way into my mother’s grave just to ask her why; but if I ever find the stomach to do the excavation, it would only be to embrace her and tell her how much I miss her. Why? Because dada is just a type of hair that is naturally and untidily matted.

The word ‘dada’ also refers to children born with that kind of hair and, though it’s of Yoruba origin, the sentiments around it are more dominant in Igbo land. The hair is similar to dreadlocks and is tough to comb.

Hold your breath for what you are about about to read......

That’s probably why the bearers are sometimes called dreads — but not in Igbo land.

The Igbo people call children with dada ‘ezenwa’, meaning ‘child king’. One could argue that this is because the toughness of the hair denotes resilience, which a king should exude, or that it is because the hair most times sits over the head like a crown.

The reason behind the name, however, resides in the so-called ‘spiritual origin’, which apparently gives a dada immeasurable wealth and success etc; and a mother making a pact with a deity means her dada child is under that god’s protection and has been destined for great things that would favour the schemes of that god.

Hmmmmm, still follow me....

Hence, the Igbo people observe many traditional rules and beliefs when dealing with a dada.

The most important of them is the ritual performed before clearing a dada’s hair. The hair must be cut by a chief priest (this means a jujuist in Igbo Land), but since the advent of Christianity in Nigeria, most parents would rather employ the prayers of Catholic priests. The ceremony also entails calling friends and family over and treating them to a nice feast after the shaving.

Hold your breath!

Dadas whose hair is cut without the proper ceremony are believed to die within three days after the shaving. Even so, there have been cases of those who survived after being shaved without the ritual. My parents were not very superstitious, hence did not observe the tradition, but I survived, although my dada had to be cut three times for normal hair to start growing.

Prior to the shaving, touching a dada’s hair, whether to feel its roughness, to scold the wearer by pulling at it, or to comb it, can be tempting considering that it looks unusual; but that would only make the child sick — unless of course you are the mother. Why, because only the mother can touch the hair without making the dada sick. That you are the father does not count.

However, if you could not resist touching the hair or you mistakenly touched it, you must give the child money or tie a cowry to his hair to stop him from becoming sick. That is why most dadas carry a good number of cowries on their hair, the number representing the many or few times their hair was touched by someone other than their mothers.

The cowries, I think, rank among the reasons dadas do not comb their hair; that is, along with the difficulty that comes with combing something so tangled up. But most Igbo folks believe the hair is left unkempt because dadas are considered to be the Samsons of our time. Combing or cutting their hair without the proper ritual would only alter their grand destinies.

Hmmmmm......

Dadas are sometimes also called ‘ogbange’, meaning the reincarnated. Most Igbo communities believe they are the reincarnations of some great men and women, jujuists, and even deities.

These rules and beliefs about dadas make them live in isolation through their childhood as other children point fingers at them and avoid them, whispering, “He’s possessed. Ogbange…”

While this can be damaging to a child’s psychology, it can also give the child some sense of security, since the stigmatisation is as a result of fear and not disdain. But it should be noted that fear can stir violence. Thus, that sense of security becomes an illusion.

These are just children born with hair most communities in Nigeria aren't comfortable with. Do they deserve such a damaging childhood?

An Interview with Benedicta C. Apuamah; 2020 Nigerian Young Changemaker Awardee

 

Chinechendo's blog: Good day dear Benedicta, welcome to Chinechendo's blog, hope we meet you well. We will like to know few things about your NGO-Girls for Development Goals Foundation and Cofounder of Benny & Freddy Limited. We will be glad if you give us the consent to go on with our interview.

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: Good day, all is well, you can go on with the interview.

Chinechendo's blog: Ok, thanks

Chinechendo's blog: Dear Benedicta, what inspired your decision to set up your NGO?

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: I was privileged to attend an all-girls boarding school in Warri, Delta State and on my return home (Obiaruku), I realized that some of my classmates/schoolmates were not the same. It's either they're pregnant and dropped out of school or just constituting a nuisance in the community. I became concerned, angry as well.

I began thinking about it, I believed that the counseling and guidance I was getting in school was helping me make the right decision so after I finished from the University, I decided to do something about it.

I remember I would take courses on the YALI Network platform online and then go to Secondary Schools to share with them what I had learned and the need to "dream big". So that's how I started. I didn't even know the meaning of NGO then, I didn't know what I was doing was " NGO", I just wanted a change in my community, I wanted young people to have something to look forward to. Something to spur them to do better.

 

Chinechendo's blog: Can I meet you

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: I am Benedicta Chukwuyem Apuamah (Uweru), a Bachelor of Pharmacy Degree Holder from Delta State University. I am the founder, Girls for Development Goals Foundation and Cofounder of Benny & Freddy Limited.

I have partaken of over 6 social-impact programs representing Nigeria in West & East Africa, Europe and South-America. These programs range from Chairing Model UN Conferences to High-level meetings.

I have a dream of working with the United Nations in the near future. I am ambitious obviously,  hardworking and friendly, I believe in building networks.

Chinechendo's blog: I hope it's not for the monetary gains?

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: I started out of sheer passion to make an impact without even knowing the financial implications.  Now I know that bills have to be paid for more impact to be done. Volunteers need to be motivated and even staffs need to be paid. This is not for the monetary gains but of course we need money to get things done.

 

Chinechendo's blog: How long have you been into it

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: I started in 2016, December to be precise just after I graduated from the School of Pharmacy, we operated with the name "Girls Health and EducationFoundation . But we got registered with CAC in December 2019 as Girls for Development Goals Foundation.

 

Chinechendo's blog: Who are your Target audience

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: My target audience is teenage girls, youths especially young women

 

Chinechendo's blog: Any challenges so far?

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: Yes there have been challenges. Part of the problem is because there are so many people who are siphoning money with the guise of running an NGO hence making it difficult sometimes for honest and passionate founders like myself to work. People were afraid to give/partner because of their past experience so my team and I had to work extra hard to prove our authenticity.

 

Chinechendo's blog: Who is behind the funding

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: We have not received any grants till date. We initially started with our savings and finances, support from concerned individuals, family, and friends. Now we get support from individuals from time to time who have seen the track record of our work and impact and we believe this would improve with time.

 

Chinechendo's blog: What is your plan for the project

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: Our plan is to grow our projects to the point that they can be run and coordinated well in my absence. We have already begun but there's still work to be done.

Currently, we have our Bloody Cup Campaign and Survey Project running in 6 States in Nigeria with 6 Community Based Organizations as implementing partners. These 6 States are representatives of the 6 geopolitical zones; Delta, Enugu, Lagos, Abuja, Kebbi and Adamawa.

The Bloody Cup Campaign/ Survey is in partnership with OrganiCup Menstrual Cups which is a modern period product. So we're distributing these cups to young women and then we follow them up to see if this is something they would like to use on the long run. The outcome so far has been encouraging, we shall be analyzing the survey questions soon and we shall definitely share our findings with you all.

 

Chinechendo's blog: Your plan for the future?

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: I already shared some of these in the previous question. We want to grow to be independent, run projects, work with local and external donors. We are also working on our startup company, Benny & Freddy Limited where as we stabilize, a percentage of our income will go into the running of our NGO's project. So we're doing a lot underground and really soon, you'd be hearing from us.

Chinechendo's blog: Any regrets so far?

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: None none at all. We are grateful for the mistakes we've made a long the way, we have learned from them and they have helped us become better and stronger today.

 

Chinechendo's blog: Your advice?

Benedicta Uweru Apuamah: When you have a dream, chase it hard, this is like my own mantra. It's okay to get tired and walk away but after a while comeback, wipe the tears and hurt and continue working and before you know it, you'd have the attention of your world... You can do it! For the teenage girls and even boys, your education is the best thing you can give to yourself at this stage of your life. Take it seriously, embed yourself in it, get the best out of it and then build on it.

Chinechendo's blog: Thanks for your time with us, do have a nice day.