Monday, 15 November 2021

Why I should always fight my partner

My parents were at it again that morning. As kids, we were never in happy moods whenever we saw them fighting and tearing at each other. It was a Monday morning and we were all set to go to school.
By seven o’clock, we were waiting in the sitting room. I was dressed already preparatory for school. My three younger ones, Samson, Victor and Rita sat across the armchair. They too were ready and set to leave.
My mother did not wake up to make breakfast. I sensed when it was past six that she and my father were probably at it again.
When it was a few minutes past six and I began to hear noises from their bedroom, I quickly went into the kitchen and began to prepare some noodles with fried eggs which we would all take to school that morning.
I put the food in different food flasks for all of them and arranged them in each person’s basket. Rita was the first to finish bathing. She came to join me in the kitchen as I was dishing the food. Little did I know that no one was going to eat anything that morning.
“These people have started again this morning,” Rita grumbled. Her eyes showed that she was not happy. “When will they ever stop quarrelling?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled dryly. “Maybe when they begin to grow grey hairs that is when they will stop. Sometimes I feel very ashamed of myself. They are the only adults in this estate that are always fighting. This is not proper.”
Rita shook her head. “The fault is always from Mum. When I grow up, I will not quarrel with my husband.”
She looked at me in a manner that suggested how troubled she was. Parents should know that whenever they quarreled, their kids suffered the more. Rita looked at me tearfully and asked;
“Will you quarrel with your wife when you grow up?”
I told her I was never going to fight with my wife. Sometimes I felt like suggesting to my parents to annul the union if they both could not manage their differences. But who was I to complain?
I was only a child. I was ten years old. Rita was eight. Samson was seven and Victor was four. My parents stopped procreating after Victor was born. And since then, they had always been at loggerheads.
When we were all prepared and my father hadn’t yet to come out, I sent Samson to go and knock on their door.
“Daddy, we are ready.” We heard him say. The screams and chants of scorn increased. My mother’s voice was high-pitch. She raved and vituperated endlessly.
“I regret ever agreeing to marry you. You are a very stupid man. You think I am as stupid as you are? Look at you! A hopeless man!”
“You call me a hopeless man and yet you have gummed yourself to me like a leach. Leave, you will not leave. Get a divorce, you will not get. Who is now hopeless between you and me?”
The door creaked open and we all heaved sighs of relief. My father was wearing a pair of camouflage knickers. That was what he wore most of the time if he didn’t go to work. He was not a soldier. He had never been one. But he had a friend who was a lieutenant cornel and it was this friend of his that had given Daddy the knickers. I remember the day some soldiers were trying to harass him and he had promptly called his friend who spoke to the military men on the phone and brought the situation to normalcy.
“Are you all ready? Gideon, hope you have made breakfast for everyone already.”
“Yes Daddy,” I nodded.
“That was very thoughtful of you. May God continue to give you more wisdom as my first child to always do this in spite of the fact that your mother would not let us have breathing…”
The words were still on his lips when he grabbed my younger brother’s arm to lead him out of the house. I took the car keys from the TV stand and as I was about to stand up from the chair, I saw my mother storm out of the bedroom. Her eyes were red like embers. In her hand was a big bottle.
“Are you trying to turn my children against me? Useless man!” she barked like a rabid dog.
Like a hill melting down the valley in an earthquake, my mother jumped on my father with all her might. Samson was in front of them. When I turned back, all that I heard was a loud bang. My father came crashing on the ground. My mother still held a bottle in her hand.
She wanted to smash the bottle on my father’s head but she missed by whiskers. The bottle came heavily down my younger brother’s head.
The shattered pieces fell onto the floor like confetti. Presently, Samson fell flat on his stomach and lay there motionless. Blood immediately began to drip down his head like ink from a broken biro. The world stood still for all of us as we stared blankly at my brother not knowing what to do.
“Hey my God!” screamed my mother exasperatedly with her palms covering her mouth. “I have killed my son. I have killed my son. God, I have killed him.”
As she wailed, my father quickly gathered Samson from the floor and off he went with him into the car. My brother’s uniform was soaked with blood. He was motionless. Helplessly, we all watched as my father drove madly out of the estate.
We did not go to school that day and none of us had the appetite for food. We didn’t go the day after. The week went by with bitterness in our hearts.
My brother Samson was a very intelligent boy. He was always coming first in his class. Twice, he was given double promotion. And most of the things that I didn’t know in sciences, he already knew them. And he was only in primary four!
And of all the people in the world, it was my brother, Samson’s head that my mother’s bottle chose to smash that morning.
No one heard anything from my father until after two days. Even when my mother called him, he refused to disclose which hospital he’d taken my brother to. He said he was so angry that he could do something nasty if he set eyes on my mother.
When he returned three day later, he looked twenty years older.
“We are selling this house,” he declared rather coldly. “Samson needs six million naira to enable him do a brain surgery. I have two million. If we don’t sell this house, I can’t raise the balance.”
I felt as if a fire burned in my heart. A tear fell off my eye even though I tried hard to suppress the grief melting in my throat like a cube of ice.
We had only moved into the house about seven months before. Now, for one act of parental irresponsibility, we were just about losing it. This was not fair. It was not fair at all. But if it could save my brother, what was a property compared to life?
Three days later, some people came and bought our four-bedroom flat. The buyer gave us six months to move out. He was filled with compassion when my father told him what the money was going to be used for.
“I would have loved to take possession of the house immediately but with the issue on ground, let me give you more time.” The buyer told my father.
Samson was to be flown to India. My father couldn’t meet up with the travel documents. He quickly sold his car and my mother’s own. I was to find out later that what had caused the fight between my mother and father that Monday morning was that my mother had requested for a new car. My father wanted her to wait until the end of the year but she said the time was too far because she wanted to use the car on the anniversary of her club.
Just for a car! My mother had never worked all her life but she had everything she needed. She travelled everywhere she wanted because she belonged to many associations. Twice, my father had tried to set her up in business but she could not manage it well. It was for this reason that my father vowed never again to invest any money on her project again.
My aunt once told me that my father loved my mother to a fault. According to her, my father could do anything to make her happy. But in spite of all the things he did for my mother, they were never at peace. It made me realize that indeed money wasn’t really the solution to our problems. With all the money in the world, if happiness and peace are eroded, then the money meant nothing. Whichever way anyone looked at it, my mother was at fault.
My mother had always lamented to my hearing that she could have married a better and richer person than my father.
The day finally came when my father was to fly Samson to India. There had been argument between the two of them over who should accompany my brother but in the end, my father won. He said he could not leave my brother in the hands of my mother because it was she who had put him in that condition.
It’s been four months now since all these things happened. We lost Samson in spite of all the money that was sunk into trying to give him life. The pain was too much for my father and the rest of us. As I write this story, my parents have now separated. My mother has returned to her father’s house because my father vowed never to take her back again.
Although I miss her so much, I am very much in support of the decision my father has taken. Let her remain there for now.
When Rita asked my father when my mother would return, he simply replied; “Until she is cured of her madness.”
That was hopeful. It made us to understand that someday, the two might come back together again. But no one knows when it would be. I believe they have both learnt their lessons even though it is quite painful that it had to cost Samson his life.
“Will you ever fight with your wife when you grow up?” it was my sister; Rita. She asks this same question most of the time.
I shook my head and promptly responded; “God forbid! I will never do a thing like that.”
As a child of ten, I have learnt a very bitter lesson about life. In one day, my once happy family lost everything; so much money and a precious life. No! Never will I touch or quarrel with my wife when I grow up. Never!
.
ONE BLACK MONDAY by Japheth Prosper

Sunday, 14 November 2021

THINGS WOMEN SHOULD DO TO KEEP THEIR HUBBY AND HOME



1. The Use Of Word
Honestly Speaking, every woman has the power to make her marriage or break it by the way she speaks with her husband. If a Woman is careless with her manner of speaking to her husband when talking together, she may provoke him often, and this is very bad for couple.
Meanwhile, A woman who knows how to use the word of the mouth will make an excellent wife. A woman that must keep other adventurous women away from her husband must be meek and kind to her husband and be ready to watch her language always.
Sometimes your husband will really be the one provoking you, yes he really want to get you mad so that you can behave rashly and he would be able to deal with you, Some men are like that. All you need to do is switch to amiable tone and tell him “Honey, please help me to really understand what you want me to do right now, i’m begging”, then you move on.

2. Learn To Say “I am Sorry”
There is no way a man and a woman will live together all their lives without a time of disagreement. In such circumstance, always remember the saying “we disagree to agree”. Those who do not understand how marriage works will always think that quarrel with their husband is an opportunity to show everyone that they are street fighters, they want to show people they can fight.
If a woman must keep her marriage and scare away intruders, she must be eager to apologize to her husband. Whenever she does what is wrong, A woman must learn How to say “I am sorry”. Your ability to apologize is a proof of your maturity and intelligence.
Do not provoke your husband because it can expose your marriage to danger of collapse.

3. Sustain Your Beauty
Today on roads,environment & other places are full of women, ladies that are gorgeously dressed, beautiful looking, who are still single and searching. This group had become a great threat to married women who loves to dress shabbily simply because they have one or two kids at home they are nursing.
The fact still remains that women must retain their unique outlook which the man saw in them before he picked interest and ask them out in the first place. A woman should endeavour to sustain her internal and external beauty at all time, as this is what gives the woman her real appeal as a wife.

4. Give Him Attention
Many women take pride in having their way in any issue that comes up between them and their husband. Some families are being affected because the wife had choose to take the place of the husband, she does not listen to anyone except she done it her own way.
Men are scared are scared by such women, who will never listen to them. If a woman desires to enjoy her marriage and keep other women away, listening to your husband is the beginning of a great marriage

5. Respect His Relations
It is not possible for a woman to be married to just only her husband and not have anything to do with the husband’s family.
If a woman is trying to prevent the family of the husband from coming nearer to her husband, she might annoy her husbands family to conspire against her. Blood is thicker than water, the man is likely to become irritated by his wife. A woman must love and honour her husbands relation.

6. Prayers
A prayer less woman is a powerless woman. It is expected that a woman should be strong in prayers. You must regularly pray for your husband.
You can destroy every seen and unseen enemies of marriage through prayers. Intercede for your husband.

7. Never Use The Word “Divorce”
Divorce is one of the weapons that bring shame and sorrow to any family.
When a woman decides to be headstrong and continually willing to have her way and never think of divorce as alternative (unless the husband is maltreating you badly).
Accept your husbands uniqueness, there is no perfect man out there.

8. Good Cooking
A woman is expected to be a soul provider in all ramification to the need of her household.
Any woman that knows how to cook has already won the heart of her husband. A woman that doesn’t know how to cook delicious meal may be endangering her marriage

4-6 BIG SECRETS IN MARRIAGE

Secret 4:

Every marriage has different levels of success. Don't compare your marriage with any one else. Two marriage can look IDENTICAL, but can never be EQUAL. I hope you are hearing me? Never compare the love level from another marriage with yours. Learn to be patient, and keep sprinkling water where you want the green grasses to grow.

Secret 5:

To get married is declaring war. When you get married you must declare war against enemies of marriage. Some enemies of marriage are:
- Ignorance
- Prayerlessness
- Unforgiveness
- Third party influence
- Stinginess
- Stubbornness
- Lack of love
- Rudeness
- Laziness
- Jezebels
- Delilahs
- Disrespect
- And Cheating.
To keep your marriage you have to be willing to fight DIRTY with prayer and hardwork. A happy marriage is not for couples who want to be CLEAN.
Secret 6:

There is no perfect marriage. There is no ready made marriage. Marriage is hard work. Volunteer yourself to work daily on it. Marriage is like a car that needs proper maintenance and proper service. If this is not done it will break down somewhere exposing the owner to danger or some unhealthy circumstances. Let us not be careless about our marriages.

7-8 BIG SECRETS IN MARRIAGE

Secret 7:*

God cannot give you a complete person you desire. He gives you the person in the form of a raw materials for you to mould into the person that you desire. Do you remember that God is a Potter? And as He is so are you too? This means that you are also a creator just like Him, and God is counting on your creative ability. Build each other up through prayer, love and Patience.

Secret 8:*

Every marriage has a price to pay. Marriage is like a bank account. It is the money that you deposit that you withdraw. If you don't deposit love, peace and care into your marriage, your marriage will remain permanently unavailable to dispense joy!

1-3 BIG SECRETS IN MARRIAGE!*



*Secret 1:*

Everyone you marry has a weakness. No spouse is perfect, the one who comes in all shades of perfection is the one who is alive in your spouse, and that person is God. So if you focus on your spouse's weaknesses you will never get the best out of his or her strength.
See, the couples that last are the ones who magnify each others strength, rather than the weaknesses.
Secret 2:

Everyone has a dark history. No one is an angel. When you get married or you want to get married stop digging into someone's past. What matters most is the present life of your partner. Old things have passed away. Forgive and forget. Focus on the present and the future you are building together.
Secret 3:

Every marriage has its own challenges. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Every good marriage has gone through its own test of blazing fire. True love proves in times of challenges. Fight for your marriage. Fight, Fight, Fight until the enemy steps out of the ring. Make up your mind to stay with your spouse through the ups and the downs.

*EVERY MAN DESERVES A 4G WIFE*


(Interesting and worth sharing)
I have met 1G wives, 2G wives, 3G wives and 4G wives, but only the 4G wives are making lasting positive impacts.
Some sisters would say but I am not married yet... You are supposed to be a wife material before marriage. The Bible says, "he that findeth a wife..." Therefore, let's learn one or more from these to add values to our lives.
1G Wives:
The First G stands for Good. Every Man deserves a Good wife. I will explain what I meant by being Good. The Bible says "he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing..."
Prov. 31:12 says,
"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
A Good wife does 6 things to her husband. The dictionary defines being Good as having desirable or positive qualities. How do you recognize a good wife?
1. She is kind to her husband. She speaks kind words and do kind things.
I was with a wife one day and I called her a witch to her face. I said "You don't have to be flying to be a witch, you are behaving like one already" do you know what she did?
Her husband came back from work and the man was still outside with dirty clothes and body and she was screaming that he brought money for food home what about money for school fees?
I said "this man has gone out since morning, he has worked hard and is tired already, can't you be kind enough to give him water for bathing and give him food before collecting money and screaming at him?
Some wives treat strangers better than they treat their husband.
2. A Good woman is a true Help Meet.
She doesn't put the burden of the family on her husband alone.
Some women want their husband to pay house rent, give them household allowance, take care of their family and his family and still pay school fees.
The poor man will still buy them clothes and shoes and he is in trouble if he forgets to pay electricity bills or renew DSTV subscription. Kukuma kill the man.
Women should take time to study Proverbs 31 diligently. A virtuous woman is not lazy and dependent on her husband alone for survival.
3. A Good woman is loving to her husband and appreciates her in-laws. She loves them because they are the reason she has a great man who loves her.
Someone trained that man, sent him to school, teach him manners and how to treat a woman well. You are enjoying the fruit of other people's labour. Don't call them pests or parasites.
4. A Good wife is a peaceful woman. She treats her neighbours well and hospitable.
5. A good woman is a good cook and a good caretaker.
She understands that the way to her Man's heart is through his stomach. Men love good food.
6. A good woman grooms her home and tend her garden.
When she is Good she has 1G, we all know that 1G cannot get you anywhere, hence, the need to upgrade.
2G Wives:
The 2nd G is Gorgeous.
Psalm 45:10-11
10. Listen, O daughter,
Consider and incline your ear;
Forget your own people also, and your father’s house; 11. So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him.
Prov. 31:22
"She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple".
There was a period that I equated Holiness with wearing oversized clothes and wearing colour riot. Thank God for knowledge.
A Gorgeous wife:
1. Dresses beautifully to attract her husband
2. Wins him over and nurture his affection
3. Reverence her husband and places him on a pedestal. Yes, she is biased and partial to her husband because they have got each other's back.
4. She is charming and pretty
5. She fascinate her husband
6. She knows and maintain her place in his heart
7. She knows that the way she dresses is the way people will address her husband.
When a wife is Good & Gorgeous, she has 2G. We all know that 2G cannot do much for you as well, you need more than that.
3G Wives:
The 3rd G is GREAT.
The dictionary defines Great as achieving Distinction and Honor. A Great wife is a distinctive wife not a destructive wife.
A Great Wife does the following:
1. She honours her husband publicly and privately.
I know a woman that used to call her husband her lord. How will you feel as a husband if your wife calls you my lord? Will you beat such a woman or starve her?
2. A Great woman Praises her husband, she does not put him down.
I was with a couple one day and I told the wife jokingly while admiring her new phone that "Your husband is trying O! How many husbands will buy their wife a phone at this time when the economy is hard?" She said "Se iru phone eleyi lawon egbe e n ra fun iyawo won?" Meaning is this the type of phone his Mates buy for their wife?
3. A Great woman preserves her husband by giving him peace of mind.
A man has gone to work since morning and when he comes home at night what you use to welcome him is "Thank God you are home, I would have killed somebody but trust me Sha, I showed her pepper"
There are too many Madam pepper working around parading themselves as wives, God will save men.
Many men are so fed up that they are praying for death.
4. A Great Wife romances her husband and seduce him.
We were told that as a Christian woman, you must be ready to be your husband's prostitute. If you can serve him dinner in the bedroom and in the sitting room you can do anything with him.
5. A Great woman guide her husband into greatness.
She dusts him up and encourages him.
We know that 3G is great but nothing can beat 4G because it is much more better.
4G Wives:
The 4th G is Godly.
Every man deserves a Godly wife.
Prov. 31:30 says,
"Favour is deceitful and beauty is vanity but a woman that fear the Lord should be praised".
A Godly wife:
1. Has a Christlike character and humble disposition.
2. Guard her tongue and does not use it to inflict pain on her husband.
3. Put God first in everything she does.
4. Builds her home prayerfully
5. She honours her husband
6. She forgives her husband
7. Train her children in the way of the Lord and gently groom her husband to love the Lord more.
The Benefit of having a 4G wife.
3G is better but 4G is the best because it connect to the heart of God and her husband efficiently and consistently.
A 4G wife is
1. Good
2. Gorgeous
3. Great
4. Godly
May God give you such a wife as a man if you are not married, and if you're already married, receive grace for upgrade in your marriage.
Also, if you are a lady and not on the 4G network yet, connect with your maker and receive the grace to
upgrade to 4G now in Jesus' Name
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