💞COMMUNICATION TIPS FOR MARRIED COUPLES.💞

A lot of times, couples get pissed off with each other by the way they respond to each other. We can do better if we learn responses in the affirmative and not in the combative. 

Let's  read the following:

1. Statement: Are you okay; is anything the matter?

Wrong response: Can't you see yourself; what kind of question is that?

Right response: I'm not feeling fine; I think I need some attention.

2. Statement: I got wounded in kitchen.

Wrong response: I've told you to always be careful with knife.

Right response: Oh sorry, let me have a look. Please be more careful with knife.

3. Statement: I'll like to eat corn flakes.

Wrong response: No way! It's for the children; and that's for one month! Take garri if you are hungry.

Right response: Okay, you can eat a little. I trust you'll give us money to buy another.

4. Statement: I'm really hungry.

Wrong response: Even I myself have not eaten since morning.

Right response: Oh sorry, let's see if there's something you can manage for now.

 5. Statement: Why don't you do it this way?

Wrong response: Why is it that you always find fault with what I do?

Right response: Well, I've tried this before and I think it will work. If not, I'll try that.

6. Statement: I want more food.

Wrong response: Ha-ha, it has finished. You want to finish all the food in the house?

Right response: Sorry, please manage that for now. We are down on food stuff.

7. Statement: Handle that thing carefully please.

Wrong response: Am I that daft? You will just be talking to me as if I don't have any sense.

Right response: Yes dear, I will.

8. Statement: Haven't you finished what you are doing?

Wrong response: You are seated there doing nothing and you are asking if I've not finished!

Right response: It will still take a while; can you please lend me a hand?

9. Statement: I bought this on my way; I thought it will be useful.

Wrong response: How much did you buy it? What! That's too expensive - wọ́n ti gbá ẹ!

Right response: Thank you; it will indeed be useful. Thanks for the surprise.

10. Statement : I'm feeling horny today, I will like us to have sex.

Wrong Response : Ha ha, is it food. I'm tired ooo.

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Right Response: Whaooo. Dear, for it to be mutual enjoyment, can you please wait till early in the morning. I'm so tired right now.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Please send to your spouse and other couples, not for the purpose of condemnation, but for continuous improvement of your or their love relationship.

MAY YOU HAVE A PEACEFUL HOME AMEN.

THE ROLES OF UMUNNA IN UBULU TRADITION:

In Ubulu, UMUNNA translates literally as 'KINDRED' group of people that descended from the lineage of same father, but not of same mother. When you hear someone says 'my father's side' the person is referring to his Umunna.

Umunna's have bond, they do so many things together as kindred.

Umunna helps in various ways such as marriage, organization of funeral rites and settlement of disputes.

In marriage, Umunna support their male bachelors with gifts.

During burial, Umunna equally facilitate the burial of male members of the clan. It is the duty of Umunna to dig the grave if they lose anyone to death.

Discipline: Umunna ensures strict adherence to law and order.

In situation where someone violates any laid down rules and regulations, Umunna usually visits the person with fines and other forms of punishment. Also, if there's any land dispute between members of a family, it's the Umunna who settles it by intervening, demarcating the boundaries to avoid further encroachment from the parties involved in the dispute ... So, in Ubulu tradition, if anything happens, Umunna should be your first point of call before going outside.

The Catholic Priesthood

This is a long post (but I am sure you will learn something) 

The teaching of the Catholic Church on the priesthood is something I would like every Catholic, as well as non-Catholics, to understand.

You may have heard of this Latin phrase "IN PERSONA CHRISTI CAPITALIS"... that is exactly the summary of the church's teaching on the priesthood.

In Persona Christi Capitalis simply means 'in the person of Christ the Head."

To break it down, every ordained priest, as he celebrates the sacraments, is not acting or celebrating them on his own, but he is standing in the place of Christ. 

What it implies is that the priest is never the one celebrating any of the sacraments even though he is the one that is physically present, but rather it is Christ himself who celebrates them. 

When the priest hears confessions, it is not his hand that offers absolution, but Christ's. At Mass, when the priest says “This is my Body,” it is not the priest that should be understood as talking, for the priest has no power to give us his body, rather it is Christ who speaks the words through him. 

If you read the book of Hebrews, you will understand the depth of this teaching. We all know that the Eucharist is Christ offering himself for us. In that sacrifice, Christ is both the High Priest and the Victim—both the one offering a sacrifice (the role of a priest) for sins as well as the one sacrifice being offered (since He offered up Himself). 

Below is a little background to the teaching. . .

During the fourth century, a group led by Bishop Donatus Magnus started teaching that only men who are without sin can administer the sacrament validly.

To them, if an immoral priest baptizes you, your baptism is no good. Likewise, if a less-than-perfect bishop was the one that ordained your parish priest, all the Masses he celebrates are just a waste of time. This heresy is known as Donatism.

St Augustine tackled this heresy. He argued that the real celebrant of each Sacrament is Christ Himself, so the priest’s moral state cannot affect the validity of the Sacrament. 

As the Catechism rightly puts it, "The sacrament is not wrought by the righteousness of either the celebrant or the recipient, but by the power of God.” ~CCC 1128

The moment a sacrament is celebrated in accordance with the intention of the Church (ex opere operato), the power of Christ and his Spirit acts in and through it, independently of the personal holiness of the minister. Nevertheless, the fruits of the sacraments also depend on the disposition of the one who receives them.

It is this teaching that makes all the priests equal. Truth is, every priest is unique and gifted differently, but you see, at the altar and in the confessional every priest is the same. It is Christ that uses the priest and not the other way round. The priests' words and actions are prescribed. He is a vessel for Christ, not a platform for his own grand ideas. 

Recently, there have been arguments on how some priests are not called and how it was their mum who takes them to the seminary simply because she wants to bear the name "Mama Fada." 

I think there is a disconnection here. In the Catholic Church, for one to say a priest is not called is to question the seminary training, the discernment process, the Holy Spirit, and even the validity of the person's ordination. You can express dissatisfaction with the priest's conduct, or you may hate the fact that he is on social media, but once he is validly ordained, he is called. God uses him, and the sacraments he celebrates are no less valid because it is Christ who celebrates them through him.

And talking about mothers taking their boys to the seminary, it is not a bad thing. It was Hannah who took her son Samuel to the priest Eli. Samuel did not become less of a prophet because it was his mum who took him there. The seminary process is such a rigorous process that if you do not want to be there on your own even if your mum took you there, you can't survive a day. Canonically, no priest is ordained below the age of 25. Anyone ordained was ordained because he chose to cooperate with God, not because the mum wants to be called "Mama Fada."

#PurestPurity 

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU...

I am a woman. I want to help you guys know what makes a lady ticks, get her say yes to you and put an end to years of frustration in getting a quality woman to marry. The first place to start is know what turns ladies off and avoid them like plague. Know what turns them on and do them with pleasure. Now let's go:

1. NEVER APPROACH A LADY WITH PET NAMES: It's a huge turn off. For crying out loud, you don't know her, you just saw her from afar or on Facebook and you are saying "Hi honey." Honey? Honey for where? Who dash monkey banana?

2. DON'T BE DESPERATE: Desperate guys are a huge turn off! You look like someone who doesn't have a job and he's desperate to get a lady solve all of his life's problems. We take to our heels fast!

3. GET BUSY: No lady likes an indolent guy who spends all his life on facebook. If you are a clean online business person, carry go but if all you do is post your pictures while waiting for comments morning, noon and night then you are not qualified for marriage.

4. BE CLEAN: Drooling mouth, stinking breath and stained shirt doesn't get any lady's attention unless you want a dirty woman as a wife because you attract who you are. Learn to be clean from head to toe. Never approach a serious lady with bad breathe.

5. BAD GROOMING: Avoid it. Tangled hair, colour riot, bad body posture is a hiss. You can't wear a brown shirt on lemon trousers matched with white shoes and black tie, and you want to approach an intelligent lady, what? Are you a clown?

6. STUDY HER FIRST: This is where some bros land into trouble. You don't know a lady from Adam. You just see her waka pass and gbam! The Holy Ghost has spoken! The next thing is "Sis, God says you are my wife!" Well, desperate, frustrated and cheap ladies may give you a "Yes" right away, not the virtuous ones.

7. START AS FRIENDS not with "I love you." What do you  love about her? Have you seen her at her worst? Please keep that to yourself and give her a break.

8. START WITH GENUINE COMPLIMENTS not flattery and not something stupid : Don't say

"What sexy hips you've got!" on the first meeting. Well, a whore may blush at that, not a virtuous woman.

9. PAUSE, DON'T RUSH HER: Don't bombard her with all manner of questions on the first date. Puh-leeeeeeeeze! Give her time. You don't need to know how many boyfriends she's had or if she finds you sexy, urrrgh!!!

Gentle guys are a huge turn on. Learn to be a gentleman around ladies.

11. SHOW COURTESY: It speaks volumes. Open the door for her, let her go in first, hold her chair while she sits and open the car door for her.

12. KNOW WHEN TO CALL HER: Definitely not during her busy schedule at work. When she's at home and fully relaxed is better.

13. BE A GOOD LISTENER: Women talk and they love a man who listens genuinely and take note of everything they say.

14. FIND OUT ABOUT HER vision, dreams, goals and hobbies: It shows you are interested in her as a person not just a woman to warm your bed and slave in the kitchen.

15. DON'T PROPOSE until she shows interest in you and that takes time: she needs to find out if she can really spend the rest of her life with you.

16. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? Her bust, hips and behind? Come on, take your eyes off and look at her tenderly in the face, you are not gonna lay her, are you?

17. PRACTICE SELF CONTROL: That is where some men completely lose their senses and wander why they can't find a good woman to marry. Let me ask, will a GOOD woman have sex with you on a FIRST date? Will a GOOD woman sleep with you when you have not put the wedding ring on her finger? Why do you order for sex and complain the women in your life lack character? That is who your lust has attracted man. A principled, virtuous and godly woman won't sleep with you in courtship. She RESPECTS herself and won't give herself cheaply to any man. She's not in your life on trial. She's not there to waste her time and check you out. She really wants to marry you and contribute to your life. She has seen a great future ahead of you and wants to contribute her quota to bring it to pass so she's not someone you can use and dump! The moment you ask a godly woman for sex in courtship, you lose your respect by 50%.

18. DON'T ASK FOR SEX: Same thing as above. If you want a woman to find you sexually attractive, do not pile sexual pressure on her head.

One of the reasons I said yes to my husband is, he treated me with respect and for the five years we courted, he NEVER asked for sex once. I told him at the beginning that that was a no go area until we get married and he agreed. He was a principled man himself so that was not a problem. It made him VERY sexually appealing to me. A man who controls himself around a woman is always sexy and very much respected. He didn't need to try me out to see if I am good in bed. Sexual compatibility is determined by the degree of chemistry between us and his attitude determines the level of chemistry. The more he showed me love and respect, the higher the chemistry and that foundation has helped us a great deal in marriage. I still find him very hot and our sex life is excellent.

Stop checking all the ladies on the street out. Look for the one you love and keep your eyes focused.

Never be rude to a lady. Treat her with care. Control yourself and do not use abusive words -it is degrading. If you can do all these with prayer, you will locate your future spouse faster, get her fall in love with you and go on to have a blissful courtship and stress-free marriage. 

God bless you. Cheers!

© Seun Oladele.

HOW TO HANDLE A MAN AND MAKE HIM BOW AT YOUR FEET...💦

1. Respect him, honour him, submit to his leadership.

2. Praise him, celebrate him, adore him.

3. Listen to him when he talks, look into his eye ball, give him 100% attention when together.

3. Support his vision, business, ministry, career.

4. Be his number one fan and cheer leader.

5. Cover his nakedness, don't expose his weaknesses to friends, families and foes.

6. Listen meekly to him when he corrects.

7. Always correct in love, don't shout at him, ridicule, disgrace and abuse him both in private and public.

8. Serve him quality food when due.

9. SEX MATTERS FOR WIVES:

a. Be eager to make love to him whenever he needs you unless you are seriously sick, tired and worn out.

b. Learn to be hot, wild and passionate or gentle, slow and rhythmic depending on how he wants it.

c. Shamelessly flirt as occasion demands.

d. Keep body in shape after childbirth, don't allow your v*g fall apart.

e. Always go to bed sparkling clean and smelling fresh.

f. Be eager and sometimes initiate love making.

10. FOR SINGLES AND THE ENGAGED:

a. No sex is allowed before marriage.

b. No kissing, romancing, necking and pecking. When a man gets milk for free, he won't buy the cow.

c. Let him pay your bride price first and marry you properly.

11. Pray for your man daily.

12. Be gentle, loving, sweet and tender.

When all these qualities are backed up by prayer, your man will find it difficult resisting you, leaving you, abusing you or divorcing you.

He becomes a lamb whom you handle with ease. Allowing him be the head makes it easy for you -the neck to rotate and direct the head anywhere you like.

He will totally adore you, honour you and literally bow before you. 

Men honour women who honour them. It is the law of sowing and reaping. You reap what you sow in relationships. If you treat him like a king, he will undoubtedly treat you like his queen. Thanks for reading. . God bless you. Cheers!

I want to see how many woman Wey go comment... 🏃🏃🏃.

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15 STUPID THINGS A WIFE CAN DO TO MESS UP HER MARRIAGE…

1) DARING YOUR HUSBAND TO BEAT YOU:

You block the door way, then dare him to beat you up and see what will happen. A Lot of women have done this and end up regretting.

2) DARING YOUR HUSBAND TO SLEEP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN:

You will be making a major mistake if you dare your husband to sleep with another woman. You may live to regret it.

3) NEGLECTING YOUR BODY AND LOOKS BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED:

“I am married i can relax, after all who is looking at me.?” He married you Slim, sexy and trendy. Next thing you become obsessed, dirty and shabbily dressed.

It is the mistake of most careless married women.

4) DENYING YOUR HUSBAND SEX REGULARLY:

You are a career woman; You are an overly religious woman… Hmmm! You feel sex in marriage is secondary, you deny your husband your body regularly, so he is sexually starved and intimacy famished. His Secretary, colleagues and girls in church are seducing and begging him to come to them but you have padlocked your Jerusalem and expect him not to lust after others. His mind will drift from you towards them.

5) LEAVING YOUR HUSBAND FOR YOUR FEMALE FRIEND TO CATER FOR:

“My dear friend, please be my eye as I travel for this one week, help cater for my husband and my little kids”. By the time you are back, your dear friend has so really helped you by sleeping with your husband and expecting a new baby as continuation from where you stopped.

If at all she has not eloped with your man, leaving your children all alone.

It is very stupid to commit your husband into the hands of your beautiful and very active friend.

6) LEAVING YOUR HUSBAND IN THE HANDS OF YOUR HOUSE MAID:

Your maid is the one that cooks,cleans the house, cares for the children and your husband. You suddenly become a lazy bone since the arrival of the maid. All you do is shout and place orders. Not bad! But if your husband feels more love and care from the maid, sister that maid won’t struggle to snatch your husband. You are the one graciously giving him to her and those that need him.

7) EMPLOYING A FULLY GROWN, RED BLOODED LADY AS A MAID:

She is fully grown up and well endowed back and front very tantalizing. She dresses skimpily and sexily like an actress, cat walks like a model and that is your own house maid?

What a mistake!

8) EMPLOYING A HOUSE GIRL THAT IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU:

Employing a house girl more beautiful than you is a major technical mistake most women make. This means you are using your money to employ a rival for yourself. Don’t be foolish when getting a maid. They act dumb like maids to you for the time being but when your husband starts sleeping with them, you will be shocked they are more agile than you when they start fighting you.

9) USING ANALOG BRAIN TO LIVE WITH A DIGITAL HUSBAND:

Your husband is growing with ideas and all; you contribute nothing than sitting down at home to eat. He is dressing like a guy with jeans and face cap; you are celebrating the fact that you are a married woman to a Yuppy cute man. Your husband is on *Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp, Skype etc;* the only thing you know about mobile phone is receiving and making calls. Your husband is talking about stock market; you only talk about tomato market. He’s talking about Forex; you are talking about fruit and vegetables only. He will see you so backwards, local and dumb. Upgrade please!

10) FAILING TO COMMIT YOUR FAMILY INTO THE HANDS OF GOD:

A wife won’t do well if she fails to commit her family into the hands of God regularly. Don’t make such mistakes of thinking you are in charge of your husband and marriage and you can handle things. Be prayerful, hand over your family to God daily. May you never labour in vain and another reaps where you have sown!

11) FIGHTING YOUR MOTHER IN-LAW CARELESSLY:

You may fight your Mother in-law dirty and think you have won especially if she’s innocent, you will end up losing. Her son and herself have been friends and lovers for years before you came; may be before you were born. She was the first ‘wife’ of your husband and also the first ‘girlfriend’. Her son cannot divorce her and she is more experienced than you in matrimonial battles, in fact she is a veteran of many conflicts. Yes i know that a wife becomes a priority and number one and some men try to place their mums above their wives . That is stupid and sickening! Apply wisdom and talk to God and your husband about it. But don’t come in with the intention to separate mother and son. Respect a worthy mother in-law. Not all of them are wicked. Not all are witches. You meet a wicked one, apply wisdom and avoid her ways.

12) TELLING YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE:

When you tell your friends about your sex life and how your husband rocks you, you are indirectly telling them to go have a feel of him. They can size you up and know whether your husband is hot or not, whether he is sexually fulfilled or not. They may even know your Husband’s “turn on” and use it against him then grab your husband. Most women have carelessly lost their husbands as they boast to their friends “my husband is too sexually demanding, he is an expert when it comes to sex, he is a horse, he almost kills me in bed, he has a horse size” etc… Your friends will pick information like this and cover things up where you have been failing.

13) REPORTING YOUR HUSBAND TO HIS MUM:

It looks beautiful to report your husband to his Mum, but the end result will hurt you. Most mothers will support their sons any day; children are always right before their Mothers. Seek counsel in the right quarters, never report your husband to his Mum unless his mum is so god fearing, honest and impartial.

14) LETTING CHILDREN TAKE THE PLACE OF YOUR HUSBAND:

Many wives abandon their husbands, denying them of love, care and attention as soon as babies begin to arrive they transfer all affection to their kids. To sleep in bed, they put the Baby in between themselves making the man feel lost and the bond divided. No warm hugs, caress etc.

15) USING SEX WRONGLY:

Sex is supposed to bind you both together, it is supposed to create intimacy and love but in many homes it is the bone of contention. Some women do turn sex to a tool of manipulation;

Some use it for trade by barter. *Some wives will suddenly become commanders at home when their husbands touch them for sex, ordering the man around, “go and off the Fan” “go and lock the gate” “go and check whether our children are sleeping” “How about that money I asked you to give me?” Etc…*

This is just too bad.

Remember: Some wives sleep like log of wood in bed while some even wear Jean, knickers to bed.

Nothing sexy

Nothing erotic

Nothing romantic

Nothing Inviting!

If you continue like this you will hurt your marriage deeply and you may destroy your future also. He will start lusting and chasing sexy daughters of Jezebel out there who may fetish him out of home to themselves

A smart wife builds her home, the stupid ones are careless. I know you will be like.

We are all humans and things push us to do things we never planned. Be wise. God bless us all.