Marriage to stranger

Women want to marry you because you're: rich, famous, financially stable, hardworking, humble, a good listener, caring, you've got six packs, you've got broad shoulders, you're tall, etc.

They never really wonder: “Why would he want to marry me?” It's a stupid question, yeah! But why should your man marry you? Why not one of your friends? Why not other ladies? Why would he want to spend forever with you? Why are you so special? What stands you out? Women never really ask themselves these questions. And that's where the real problem lies. You cannot seriously hope to get married to a man and have a happy home and not know what men want.

You think it's because you're beautiful or sexy? You really think it's because of big nyansh? You're getting it all wrong.

The number one thing that men look out for in a woman is “understanding,” followed closely by “faithfulness,” “loyalty,” “respect” and “support” – all of which culminates into one thing for the man — PEACE OF MIND.

A man first considers whether you understand him, whether you'll be faithful to him, whether you're loyal and supportive and respect him. All of these things constitutes love to a man.

It's okay for you to have a mental picture of the man you want to marry, but to fit into a own’s picture, you have to understand what men also want. 

One of the most ignorant things I hear women say is, “I can't change for any man. If he can't accept me the way I am, he should move” – especially when they say this in relation to a bad character trait of theirs that they're unwilling to change from.

Get this into your head, sister. 90% of men will not accept you as you are. No matter how much a man loves you, he wants you to accept certain aspects of his life that you can't change. And he wants you to change certain aspects of your life for him. 

This is the truth.

Choose one to go

1. Marry a very traditional man who never allows you to pay any bills but insists you must su.b.m.i.t in totality to him in all things, you don’t to anything without getting his consent first, even things that are personal to you, he has veto power in the marriage. If he says No, you dare not do that thing.  

2. Marry a modern man with equality mindset who shares all bills with you but also respects and takes on board your opinion, with all decisions in the marriage jointly made by you both depending on whose opinion makes most sense. 

3. Marry a semi traditional man ( he pays all big bills and leaves all small ones for you, you submit to him, he does not submit to you) with a semi equality mindset ( your opinion matters in not so serious matters so he gives you room to do your own thing in normal everyday stuff but in serious matters he makes all the important decisions)

Ignore the words

Remember what others say and do does not define you in any way, it is a perception of what they see and feel.

So don't take on their personal energy as if it's you, because it is not.

Speak up in a strong kind way if it feels like the right thing to do, or most often we simply walk away and wish them well from afar.

People who say really hurtful things are not worth your time and energy in the moment.❤️‍🩹

Your next chapter is going to cause some people to wish they had treated you better.

Am I ready to Marry?

“When you set a rule for yourself and break it, you are cheating on yourself.”~FKU

Dear men,

Before you get married to a woman, try to live alone. Rent an apartment. Pay your rent yourself. Buy a bed and a mattress. Buy a TV. Most importantly, buy pots, a gas cooker or stove, and all the utensils you will need in the kitchen. Learn to cook. Feed yourself. 

Can you come back home from work and stay alone in your house without going out to hang out with friends? Can you be comfortable with your own presence? 

Can you sit in your house alone, especially during weekends, and watch your football matches and still feel happy? 

Can you say your prayers on your own without anyone reminding you or waking you up? Can you wash your clothes, mop your house, and make your bed? 

Can you cook your food and eat without going out to buy already-made food? 

Ask yourself! 

As a married man, you cannot sincerely appreciate your wife’s ability to take care of the house when you don’t have any experience in taking care of your house. 

You cannot appreciate what it means to cook fresh food every day when all you did when you were single was buy cooked food or asked someone to cook for you. 

In most tertiary institutions, young men tend to date girls so that they will have someone that will be coming over to their houses to cook for them, and then they’d have sex. 

Most young girls, on the other hand, date guys so that they will have someone that will be giving them money to buy whatever they need, and then they’d have sex. 

Amongst male friends, once one of them gets a girlfriend, the friends would all believe that the girl would be coming over, at least on weekends, to cook, wash and clean the house. For them, that is the default duty of a girlfriend. 

Among female friends, once one of them is dating, they would all believe that she won't lack anything material, like phones, airtime, money for hair, and her general upkeep. For them, that is the mark of having a boyfriend. 

I don’t think you need me to tell you how stupid and childish such mindset on dating is. 

So, I ask you again, can you stay for weeks, months, or a year, as a man without bringing women into your house to sleep with, women you know you won’t marry? 

Don’t claim to have self-discipline until you have experienced opportunities and come out unscathed. 

You know it’s one thing to be claiming virgin when you have not gotten the opportunity or the tempting environment like having a car, a good house, staying alone, and having some cash. It is another thing to remain pure despite having all the opportunities and temptations. 

If you fall under the category of holy people because you’ve not had opportunities and temptations, you are still a child.

Learn this from me; it is one thing to get married to someone, it is another to get married to yourself. 

Getting married to yourself involves being at home with yourself. It also means being happy by yourself, being able to look after yourself, being able to have self-control and understanding that when you set a rule for yourself and break it, you are cheating on yourself.

It is not an easy thing. This is where the real test of who you are comes out. If you are not married to yourself, it will be a disaster getting married to another.

. . . .Excerpt from my forthcoming book “I DO”.

Note: we are putting the finishing touches on this wonderful book. Once everything is sorted out, I will tell you how to preorder.

#PurestPurity 

#FacebookTelevision

Aguba isreali wife

Aguba, Israeli Virgin, OPM Generosity, and the Rest of Us

So a veteran Nollywood actor called Aguba became "homeless" and was found on the street.

And like the biblical story of the man attacked on his way to Jericho and left helpless, 

Some friends saw him and looked away, 

Some saw him and took pictures to share on social media,

Then a church saw the viral picture and decided to help.

Like the good Samaritan, they took the veteran actor to a house,

They gave him food and change his clothes and shoes.

Then, they thought of another thing as a way of helping him, 

And of all the things they could think of, it is the need to give him a wife.

Wawu!. . .

And like the Greek philosopher Archimedes, who jumped out of the bathtub naked shouting EUREKA when he discovered the principle of buoyancy,

This church jumped out “all naked” in their Eureka moment to publish their findings.

They published on social media that there is a vacancy, and the vacancy is that a wife is needed. 

The woman is to apply within if she meets so and so qualifications.

And as expected. . .boom, there were applications. 

Images of girls showing their front and showing their back started appearing on our timelines . . .

Even those praying on the mountain were not left out. . .

There were even those fighting and campaigning for the post of Aguba's wife.

And then Aguba, the main man, he looked at them all... even the Widow offered him for free, even the promises that a bride price will be paid for him, even the idea of the wedding being big. . . 

My guy looked at them all, and with his full small chest said he wants a virgin from Israel.

And for the first time, the church had to pause and ask what really does Aguba need?

___

I know some of you don't like asking questions and hate it when things on religion are interrogated. . .

Well, not me. Not this page.

See, the problem is not about the generosity of the church. . . The problem is offering the wrong help.

This post is not for Aguba or the church, rather it is for us to draw some lessons.

We all must have the discernment to know the sort of help to give anyone who is in need.

The wrong help is the worst form of help.

Sometimes we project our definition of the good life and what we consider to be the definition of success to others.

We often make the mistake of thinking people's needs are cars, houses, or even wives/husbands.

Ministers make this mistake a lot... You look at a single woman, and all you could think of as her problem is marriage. Sometimes, it could be true, but you need discernment to know that and you must do it without projecting your own bias.

Some of you look at a sick person, and the only thing you could think of is for them to see your G.O Papa, or to drink Goya oil, or buy a bracelet charm from your Ogbanje leader. 

You don't destroy people in the name of helping them. You don't give a sick person duplex when he or she should go to the hospital. 

Parents make this mistake too. . . They think taking their kids to Dubai, not allowing them to do any chores, or buying ice cream every single time they cry is the definition of loving your child.

Knowing the appropriate help that is best for a person in need as at when he or she needs it is the first stage of actually helping.

Learn this and do better!

#PurestPurity 

#FacebookTelevision

THE DEATH OF HER HUSBAND SAVED MY MARRIAGE

Susan attended a funeral service of her friend who lost her husband at Langata Cemetery.

Susan held her wailing friend strongly as the casket was lowered into the freshly dug grave.

Susan's friend was screaming "My husband, don't leave me, please, don't leave me!" as people looked on feeling sad for her. 

The children were screaming too. Losing a father is not an easy thing.

If not for Susan, the friend would have thrown herself into the grave to be buried with her husband who died of suicide. Because the husband found no meaning in life and he killed himself.

Susan remembered the many times the friend would say she is tired of her good-for-nothing husband and here she is screaming and feeling lost because the husband is no more. 

The friend cried till she fainted. Susan and others there carried the devasted woman to an ambulance for first aid.

As Susan watched the spectacle of broken hearts crying for a man who will never ever come back, Susan remembered her husband. 

Susan remembered how much she takes her husband for granted.

How she talks to him however she pleases.

How she gives him prolonged silent treatment over issues they can easily resolve.

How she denied him sex many times. And she asked herself "What if it was my husband that is buried today how would I feel?" Susan thought.

Susan remembered that she argued with her husband and he left the house with a tension between them just because after all these years, he still leaves his plate in the living room instead of taking it to the sink after eating.

"God forbid that my husband die, but what if as my husband went out in anger and never returns and passes on, is this the last memory I would like my husband and me to have?" She thought again.

Susan began to remember all the wonderful things her husband has done in the past, which she never taught of before except by complaining.

Now, in her heart, she began to appreciate him for all his efforts no matter how small it was.

At that moment, she realized her areas of improvement, and said to herself "there is no other man I would rather share my life with than my loving husband."

She thought of life without him and it scared her. And said, "I would rather have disagreements with my loving husband than to lose him to death. I prefer his sense of humor and laughter than to cry for losing him."

That evening, after Susan took her widowed friend to a safe place, she passed by the supermarket and bought her husband a card saying "Thank you for being in my life"

And when she got home, she cooked her husband's favorite meal and asked her children to join her in celebrating her husband.

That night, her husband came home expecting a fight from Susan, but instead, he got greetings and hugs from Susan and the children. 

He was welcomed with songs, dancing and laughter, cute drawings of him with warm messages from the children, a home-cooked meal, and pleasant conversations. And Susan's husband burst into tears when Susan and the children told him how much they love him and they surrounded him to pray for him. 

A grown man cried like a baby because of love. He felt needed and he asked them "Is today father's day?"

Susan looked into his eyes and said, "No, it is lovers' day. Because every day is special with you around me from now on, we will do nothing but love each other. 

I don't know how long we have to live together, but it will not be wasted by fights, misunderstandings, complaints, and lack of appreciation. 

In case you have forgotten, "I love you"

"I love you too," said Susan's husband as he kissed and hugged Susan, the children dancing and cheering on. 

Children long for a home where mom and dad give each other warmth.

Since then, both Susan and her husband have been a stronger and more loving couple after realizing that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

                  

 ~ Sometimes the death of someone wakes us up to the reality of life. 

 ~ Don't let the death of your spouse wake you up to the reality of life, it will be too late. 

 ~ God forbid, if your spouse dies today, will you regret how you have been treating him/her? 

 ~ Do you think living alone without your spouse will be joyful for you? 

 ~ Will you be able to transfer your children to another man or woman whom they have not grown to know? 

 ~ If you decide to be a single father or mother, will you be able to do the job alone? 

 ~ Can you stand the pain of your kids asking why they don't have a father or mother like others? 

 ~ What is it that you cannot mend in your marriage? 

 ~ No doubt it's not easy, but prayerfully love your spouse while he/she lives. It rubs on the children as well. 

 So mend your home, don't destroy it. 

 This post can save a family, therefore kindly share it with others. 

 PLEASE FRIENDS MAKE SURE YOUR WIFE OR HUSBAND READS THIS PIECE!

#Copied