Avoid media hookups

Please Dear Lady,

For your own protection, It's not every Man/Guy you meet that you go to his House to visit.. Abeg.

You don't just meet someone today, and next week he's inviting you to his house, and because he mentions Marriage, you go.

You can start by talking at Public outlets

Go visit him with someone.

Till Trust and Truth is established.

Facebook hookups should not be done at his Place. You don't know him before.

He could be a rapist, ritualist or kidnapper. Don't end up as a Missing Person. Stop taking risks because of Relationship.

It's better to be safe than sorry.

Meet him at a public place of your choosing and during the day till TRUST and TRUTH is established.

Immediately he starts insisting on the venue of meeting being his place and nowhere else, or insisting you come late in the evening, smell the coffee and flee.

It is not only in his house you can discuss about love matters.

Dear Brothers

We can do better

Honestly, this is appalling.

Must you force yourself on a lady? Where's the satisfaction in that? How does causing someone misery, pain and trauma bring you pleasure? Think of the pain you'll put her in.

Please, let's all SAY NO TO RAPE.

A Ladies body is not anybody's property to just forcefully claim and plunder.

WHEN WE ARE HURT OR TROUBLED.

SO MANY PEOPLE believe it is better to be quiet than to speak out their hurts especially if their spouse is known to be aggressive, stubborn, naive, callous, obstinate or severely ignorant.

BEING QUIET or pretending to be calm is worse than letting out the hurt because; the kind of peace arising from being quiet is a "PEACE OF THE GRAVEYARD". Such a "peace" is an incubator of hurts. Surely it will explode someday somehow and the pieces may no longer be gathered. Bottled up emotions are said to be a health hazzard too.

THE MAJOR REASON for accumulating hurt inside us is that we often don't know the appropriate words and composure in expressing our feelings of hurt. Thus, instead of PRESENTING our hurts, we rather let out nasty threats and insults as our vengeance, thereby starting badly, a good case.

WE CANNOT JUST ACQUIRE the right words and attitudes unconsciously, it doesn't come with a college certificate, diploma or degree. It doesn't come with age either.

WE MUST LEARN THOSE FROM OTHERS WHO HAVE LEARNED FROM OTHERS...

Therefore, we need to be careful about our association; the friends we keep, the social media groups to which we belong, the religious sects we follow etc. Some people are so evil that they are wandering in social media groups looking for vulnerable persons to mislead with evil advice.

MANY SOCIAL MEDIA GROUPS do not control what comments people make and the quality of advice their members receive because, they see it as pastime activities with no consequences and no value.

HERE IN SECRET IN MARRIAGE GROUP, there are many officials of the Group moderating posts, membership requests, comments, advice, adverts etc so that the quality of what we receive here can be one of the best available.

WHEN ANY OF US IS WORRIED

OR TROUBLED AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT NEXT TO DO, PLEASE OPEN UP IN THIS GROUP.

We are endowed with highly skilled, highly experienced, matured, elderly and very elderly people of numerous fields of learning and integrity who are ready to genuinely assist us free even privately or anonymously.

IT IS OUR PRIVILEGE AS MEMBERS OF THIS GROUP as long as we do not violate the membership rules

Sidelining your spouse

Sidelining your wife or husband and making financial decisions with your mother or sisters without consulting and agreeing with your wife or Husband is totally wrong. It's undermine and disrespect your spouse position. Every decision whether financial or not must be made in consultation and in agreement with your spouse.

*EXCLUSIVE ROLES OF PARENTS IN CHILDREN UPBRINGING*

Parents have four major roles to play in the life of their children.

*1-* INSTRUCTIONAL ROLES.

*2-* REBUKE ROLES.

*3-* EXHORTATION ROLES

*4-* EDUCATIVE ROLES.

* INSTRUCTIONAL ROLES.*

We must instruct our children:

*To behave well in public.

*To rise up early each day.

*To pray first thing as they rise.

*To be the first to greet people.

*To clean up themselves properly.

*To clean their environment.

*To be early and timely to every daily tasks.

*To be orderly.

*To be respectful to people.

*To speak in decent language.

*To organise themselves.

*To plan their schedules.

*To have their daily timetable off hand.

*To comport themselves in quietness.

*To be articulate, reasonable and expectant.

*To ask questions when in doubt.

*To listen carefully with understanding.

*To act with decorum, courtesy and humility always.

*To defend the family name and image at all times.

*To obey elders, set rules and regulations.

*To pray before retiring to bed at night.

* REBUKE ROLES*.

We must rebuke our children:

*When they portray laziness.

*When they are prayerless.

*When they appear dirty.

*When they're insolent.

*When they speak foul languages.

*When they speak improperly.

*When they sit carelessly.

*When they participate in unsolicited discussions.

*When they come late to appointments or tasks.

*When they talk back to elders in anger.

*When you notice pride in them.

*When they become spendthrift.

*When they eat irregularly.

*When they cannot control their appetite.

*When you notice ostentatious lifestyle in them.

*When they think about materialism always.

*When they unnecessarily compare themselves with others.

*When they speak abusively of other parents or elders or mates.

*When you notice the spirit of hatred in them.

*When they make hate speeches.

*When they complain always about others.

*When they move with suspicious characters.

*When they are not extolling learning.

*When they're not proud of academic achievements.

*When they abuse their teachers at home.

*When they discredit their school.

*When they plan to revenge or retaliate against actions.

*When they refuse to obey constituted authority.

*When they fail to pray.

* EXHORTATION ROLES.*

Parents must Praise their children :

*When they do well in assignments and exams.

*When they are properly dressed.

*When they speak well in public.

*When they speak well of their institution and teachers.

*When they speak well of others.

*When their carriage is decent.

*When they express Godly values.

*When they always talk about excellence.

*When they spend less time watching TV.

*When they spend more time studying.

*When they spend less time talking.

*When they spend more time listening.

*When they spend right time praying.

*When they spend less time playing.

*When they know what to do.

*When they know what is right.

*When they refuse to do what is wrong.

*When their ambition is to be the best in good endeavours.

*When they speak of becoming Great People.

*When they take action that meets good vision.

* EDUCATIVE ROLES.*

Parents must Teach their children :

*How to live honest life.

*How to live amongst people.

*How to live in comfort with others.

*How to love and appreciate others.

*How to be fair to all concerned.

*How to love their teachers, school and those in authority over them.

*How to obey rules and regulations.

*How to live in dignity and self esteem.

*How to plan their future.

*How to raise Godly homes.

*How proper education answers to most of life's challenges.

*How to escape from bad friendship.

*How to pick a career.

*How to develop their career.

*How to pass through life successfully by depending on God and not man.

*How to pass examinations without malpractice.

*How to be studious and build their brains.

*How to set academic standards for now and their future.

*How to flaunt Excellent Achievements and not Beauty.

*How to be Intellectual Celebrities.

*How to have a vision.

*That Godliness with contentment is great gain.

*How to love GOD and their neighbor.

*How to live in fear of GOD.

_*When we play these roles, our children by the grace of GOD will come out great and the parents will have a good old age and memorial

Wrong Generalization of Marriage Matters

In my tribal culture; marriage is a union of two communities viz: the native community of the man and of the woman. The husband and wife of such marriages are mere care-takers of the union. That's why the two communities negotiate the rites including dowry. Consequently, there cannot be a successful divorce without the full consent of these communities.

This is conditional that the marriage rites have been fully performed in accordance with the customs and tradition of the community of the bride.

In our custom, a wife is titled; "ORIAKU" literally meaning "ONE WHO CONSUMES WEALTH". Every young man works hard and prays earnestly to have a good one to consume his wealth . Sometimes or often it takes years or decades for a man to prepare himself adequately for this task. It is considered a shame for a man not to be capable of maintaining a wife such that she can compete with other wives of her generation or of her husband's age mates.

Basically a man in this culture must first have his own house or at least a dwelling place he has a right to occupy without hindrance, and a suitable means of taking acceptable care of a wife and future children, before thinking about marriage. His parents must be satisfied with his capability on all these requirements.

A man who fails on these conditions is considered an irresponsible fellow.

NOW, could someone who has gone through these to marry a wife still be seen as not have demonstrated sufficient love for his bride? Yet, in many cases, this same man would turn around to destroy what he has laboured to build; either through foolishness, arrogance or ignorance of his recurrent duties. It is not enough to labour to build a palace, if such an edifice is neglected, it would spell doom. NOT ALL MARRIED MEN ARE HUSBANDS.

Nevertheless, the bride has enormous contribution towards the success of the union. If she takes the whole matter for granted, her husband could become discouraged and the union will fail with the support of the husband's community.

The Community of the bride would feel embarrassed if through her fault, the marriage collapsed. She wouldn't be accepted back in her maiden home or if reluctantly accepted, she will become an icon of failure.

Similarly, the community of the husband will rally round the wife and block any move by the man to force her out if they realise that he has been unfair to her.

SEE ONE OF THE MANY REASONS WHY IT IS WRONG TO GENERALIZE MATTERS CONCERNING MARRIAGE?

BEAUTY AND CHARACTER

It's okay to dress your body, don't forget to dress your heart. Beauty may attract a man, character will keep him. A beautiful suit may get you the job, a beautiful brain will keep it. No matter how sweet your mouth smells, if you open it and nothing sensible comes out of it, i you will lose that man to a woman who opens her mouth with wisdom; a woman who matches brain, character and godliness with her beauty. Men with extremely beautiful wives are leaving their wives to chase not so beautiful ladies out there. What else are they looking for? Brain, smartness, intelligence, character, passion! Dress your body but don't forget to dress your spirit, brain and character. That is what makes you completely irresistible to men. Cheers!