That statement was made by a guy called Ope, the food critic. I watch his videos on TikTok because I love the sight of food and the process involved in making it.
Anyways, I won’t say it’s a Nigerian thing; it’s an African thing, and I believe lots of African women are on this table of low self-esteem.
Anyways, he made that statement and backed it up with reasons, which I quite agree with. I've seen lots of women attacking this guy since he made this statement in a men's podcast, but it's so sad they didn’t listen to the whole thing to get the main gist before they start to react.
To prove Ope’s point, I’d like you all to go on TikTok and look for the challenge “things my exes did and I stayed.” Many women approved and still approving Ope’s point through that challenge. You do not want to listen to some of the secrets spilled in that challenge; those are pieces of information I believe should follow some people to the grave, but yet, they spilled it out not knowing they are setting themselves up for the next man to come continue where their exes left off.
How she walked into a room and saw her boyfriend having a threesome and still stayed. How she caught her boyfriend with her mother in bed and still went ahead to marry him. How she had an accident and her boyfriend got drunk and laughed at the accident. How the man beat her mother and sibling and she still went ahead to be with him. How he slept with her best friend multiple times yet she stayed. How he invited her to his house and stripped her naked in the presence of his friends to beat her like a child for disciplinary sake. How he slapped her in public and embarrassed her yet she stayed and even begged him with her body at night for makeup sex. He only posts her when there’s a fight. How he beats her at every slight provocation and even gets her hospitalized and she still stayed. How he abuses her emotionally and makes her feel so little and she still stayed. How he brings in different women at night and calls her his house help and she still stayed. How he never bought her a handkerchief but uses her money to buy a birthday present for another woman and she still stayed. How he gets angry each time she get pregnant and will not talk to her until she remove it and she still stayed. How he beats her every day but cannot leave because he gives her money. How he speaks so ill of her and degrades her in the presence of women he wants to have a thing with and his male friends but because of stupid love still remain with him. How he told her he was only managing her and that he’ll dump her when he meets the woman of his dream and she still stayed to further prove that she’s a wife material.
My brother and sister, the list is long, I can’t write all and I believe it’s information that should not be disclosed on social media for trends.
You wonder why these our African men behave themselves whenever they find themselves out of the shore of Africa? You wonder why they automatically become gentle and humble people as soon as they step out of this country or are married to a white woman? You wonder why they will never let their white wife have a glimpse of their affairs or even let her suspect them at all? You wonder why at the mention of their white wife they tremble and become Vegetables? You wonder why they gladly share responsibilities and chores when they are out of here? It’s nothing but STANDARD.
If millions of women can jump on this challenge online to stay all manner of unimaginable things that their exes did and they still stayed, why are they now after Ope for speaking the truth? Why are they attacking him for stating the obvious? The other guy in that podcast also confirmed it that he only treats a woman according to what he perceives of her.
That same man who is treating you like bin will lick the ground another woman walks on. That same man who considers it a big deal to give you 20k naira for hair will buy bone straight of 2m for another woman. That same man who gives you below bare minimum will give the whole world to another woman, that same man who cannot bare to speak to you over the phone is crying in the dm of another woman, and mind you that other woman may not even be as beautiful as you.
A lot of women in Africa believe a man who doesn’t beat them is a husband material, even if he abuses them psychologically and makes them miserable. It’s even much better if he gives them money but with no iota of respect for them. The very little a man will do for some women, maybe he takes them out on a date and they’ll start to see husband material in the man. Not many African women are strong enough to walk away from a toxic situation with a man because they are used to the bare minimum and the bare minimum has become the standard.
That is why a so-called yeyebrity can come on Instagram to ask his wife if his father did for her mother what he’s doing for her, to tell her that if she leaves no coming back because there are many waiting to fill her position, constantly embarrassing the women in his life on Instagram, and they’ll still go on podcasts to say if he doesn’t kiss them, they’ll cry. If a woman can stay with a man who had sex multiple times with her mother md friend without any remorse, how can you tell such a man to not bring a woman under your roof when you become his wife.
There are some imperfections that come with the relationship that exists between a man and a woman, which are not a thing of ridicule and can be worked out but there are some disrespects and ill-treatments you’ll receive from a man which will keep increasing so far you continue to stay.
Men treat you according to the standards you’ve set for yourself as a woman, they treat you according to what you’ve subjected yourself to believe is the standard. You are laughing about what your exes did and you stayed and you expect the next man coming into your life who might have probably gone through your socials and saw that to come treat you like a princess from the wonderland, you will learn my sister, your suffering is just starting. He has seen what you are willing to accept and tolerate, he has seen that no matter the ill treatment he dishes out to you, your eleda will never make you leave and you will even continue to beg him for his love and affection.
The difference between you and that woman they are treating better is standard, either here in Nigeria or abroad.
He’s not a husband material because he bought you a big phone or paid your bills, sometimes joblessness can make you see that as a big deal whereas it’s just because you can’t afford it, ask another woman he’s treating right, money will be the last thing she’ll say about him, it’ll be his thoughtfulness, his kindness, his love, affection, attention, whole and healthy behavior towards her, respect and everything good and you’ll wonder if the man is the twin of the one you’re with because he doesn’t give all these to you.
It’s nothing but standard and standards are either shaped by upbringing, environment, culture accepted and self-work/inner work. If you weren’t raised by a loving father who showed you what it means to be loved rightly, identify the problem and begin the self-work, the self-work will determine your response to your environment and men in general.
Nigerian men don’t give bare minimum and low efforts, they just give it to the women who has shown them she’s okay with it. Men weigh women and they treat them accordingly. The presentation of yourself will determine the treatment you’ll receive.
Finally, shout out to all fathers raising girls with healthy and sound mindset that’ll keep men on their toes in the future and thanks to parents raising boys that will grow up to become responsible men in the future.
Tadé
Atanda
Iyawo Oga.
