He will change when you marry abi?

 Sister, 

Shebi you dey see the red flags now but this saviour spirit no go let you rest. To become Mrs no be beans but to stay Mrs dey importanter.

You never marry am e don dey collect all your money, hide phone, threaten you, commot late, drink, no send you.

Make I clear you, for marriage e go beat you neat and nothing go happen. If you try talk please, protest or complain, him go waka for days or weeks and when he come back na you go still beg even when you know say na shawtie e dey follow chat.

He will change when you marry abi? No wahala.

I hear you.

-Shamseddin Giwa

THE SPIRITUAL CONTROLS THE PHYSICAL.

Who told you that? How did you arrive at that baseless conclusion? This is why many live in fear and compulsively multiply spiritual exercises. 

The physical controls the physical in the physical. No other being controls the world more than human beings: " fill the earth and conquer it". Gen1:28. 

The market you go to buy and sell is built by humans, the foods you eat are grown or manufactured by humans, the means of transportation, communication and entertainment you use are built by human beings and not spirits. 

The government that controls almost everything about you was invented by humans and are run by humans. The religious places you worship were built by humans with materials made by humans. 

Show me one thing your earthly life depends on that was made by any "spiritual being".

Psalm 24 says "The earth and it's fullness belongs to God". Jesus says in Mtt 28: " All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me".

The only spiritual being whose power and authority are higher than humans, and who can control everything physical when he wants and if he wants is God, and that is a beautiful thing, not something to fear. 

When next you hear "the spiritual controls the physical" be reasonable to ask the person how? Don't have faith alone, have sense too.

WHEN A MAN WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU

WHEN A MAN WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU...

I mean premarital sex. He will tell you all the lies you can't imagine in this world. If you are a fool, you will fall for them and bite your fingers for life!

1. HE SAYS YOU ARE SEXY: That is not a compliment, it is an insult! When a man says you are sexually attractive, he has stripped you naked with his eyes, jumping into bed with you is next step. If you are naive, you may smile it away because you lack low self esteem and say, "there is no big deal about it", "it is just a compliment," "shebi he is my Pastor in school" and all those stupid explanations that makes me wants to "sound" some ladies, no, they are girls!

2. HE SAYS VIRGINITY IS NO BIG DEAL, it is character that matters. There are wise and foolish virgins. God will forgive you after he has deflowered you. "There is now no more condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus." You are in Christ Jesus and having sex like crazy? No! You are in a pit! Satan's pit! It takes character to keep your virginity, you lack character to lose it! Only wise virgins keep theirs till marriage, the foolish ones lose it cheaply!

Once he can sell those lies to you and you lose it, you lose your self respect by 80% and you will regret that sex for life! Don't have sex so you can seek forgiveness later. God will forgive you but you will bear the consequence of your folly!

3. "EVERYBODY IS DOING IT!" Rubbish! Nonsense! Stupid, senseless, baseless statement! I know lots of virgins who are not doing it. I know handsome, super beautiful virgins who are still intact. Don't let any man fool you into thinking you are the odd one out. He is myopic and suffering from short sightedness. The devil's hand is on him to destroy him with speed. Don't let him take you along the road of destruction.

4. "A VIRGIN'S VAGINA IS TOO TIGHT, YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT LIKE IT, LET ME HELP YOU EXPAND IT". He is sick! Who made him the lord of vaginas and your future husband's prophet/seer

NWANNE – THE STRONGEST BOND IN IGBO LAND

Let me start by saying: THERE IS NOTHING LIKE COUSINS IN IGBO CULTURE. Apart from the fact that there’s no Igbo word for ‘cousin’, the tradition of the Igbo eliminates the thin sheet that departmentalizes families. It’s true that the Igbo ask: ‘Whose son/daughter are you?’ but when it comes to the traditional perception of family, there are no groups.

I remember meeting Ikechukwu in DMGS – DMGS was the first time I met him in this life. His mother is from Ufuma (a town that's far from my own town) and his father is from another state. The first day he came to my house, my father was there to assess my little friend. A question gave birth to another question until I noticed the unease on Papa’s face. He traced – with questions – the maternal family of Ikechukwu and it got to a point my father screamed:

‘Okooo nio!’ 

(People do not scream like this these days)

Papa screamed: ‘Okoo nio!’ and in a lower voice, he called Ikechukwu: Nwanne m.

(Nwanne literally means the child of your mother/ sibling)

Papa stood up and hugged the total stranger.

Ikechukwu, whom I met in school, was father’s Nwanne - that's the son of my father's mother: my grandmother (lol) 

I later found out that one of Ikechukwu’s ancestors was related to my ancestor. Papa tried to explain but I needed to solve all my problems before cramming the blood link between me and the random Ikechukwu I met in school. But one thing was established on that day: Ikechukwu instantly became my – and my father’s – Nwanne. 

In Igbo culture, ‘Nwannehood’ is like a big cult. As broad as it is, the people view it as sacred. If 2 Nwanne have an affair knowingly or unknowingly, it is a taboo to the whole land and the gods of the land must be appeased. It doesn’t really matter how distant the relationship is. The major reason people ask questions before getting married is to be totally sure that both the suitor and the bride are – not in any way – Nwanne. Some Ndị Igbo have fallen victims of meeting a stranger only to be told that s/he is your Nwanne – and Nwanne adighi anu Nwanne (Nwanne doesn’t marry Nwanne). 

As an undergraduate, I went to my uncle’s house with a girl whose mother was married from my kindred. Seeing the girl, my uncle’s countenance changed as he interrogated her:

‘Are you not X’s daughter?’

She said she was.

‘Is Y not your mother?’

‘Y is my mother.’

My uncle turned to me – still, no smile on his face – and said: ‘Hope you know she’s your sister?’

He said it as if the girl were my immediate younger sister – and that’s the message he passed.

The general use of ‘Nwanne’ is not because Igbo language lack vocabularies. No. One could simply say Nwa Nwanne Nna m (which could loosely translate to cousin) but it’s never so. I remember being asked by an elder to explain how I am related to a lady, and I said: ‘My mother is her mother’s elder sister.’

The elder I gave this explanation replied: ‘O kwa nwanne ime uno’ (she is my mother's child/sibling of the inner house).

That’s the culture – the sacred society of Igbo ethnic group.

I have a lot of siblings that I cannot tell you how we are related. I still remember the day the seniors in St Charles Special Science School insisted that I must tell them how I was related to Chikezie Chiedu; then, a PhD defence in Aeronautic Engineering would have been far simpler than attempting that question. But I am related to Chike Chiedu. He is my Nwanne – my blood. There is nothing we do in Anieto family without the presence of the Chinemelu family from Abacha - and Chikezie's mother is a Chinemelu. That’s all the explanation I need to know. Tracing the genealogy of our relationship is one thing I will never put my energy in.

 

Nwanne is the strongest tie in Igbo culture. 

Nwanneka (Nwanne is Supreme)

Iwe Nwanne adighi eru na okpukpu (the anger towards Nwanne doesn’t get to the bone)

Onye gburu Nwanne ya aburo odogwu (He that kills his Nwanne achieves nothing)

Ubochi Nwanne, Enyi ana (No friend will ever be like Nwanne)

As primitive as the days of the ancient Igbo were, they instinctively knew not only their roots but also their family tree. And every member is treated as family. Yes, in Igbo culture, it’s either you are Nwanne or you are not. There’s nothing like cousins.

Ozii Baba Anieto 

To read other stories like this, click the hashtag #IgboCustomObaji

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Pic: Oba Ji Festival 2023

Do not hide whatever it is you know how to do really well.

There are many things that I can do so well, one of which is writing. I began writing as a child. I've mentioned before that I'm not much of a conversationalist, despite appearing talkative; I'm actually quite the opposite.

I communicate more effectively through writing, I recall expressing my needs as a child by leaving notes under my mom’s pillow. Outside of formal speaking occasions like lectures or public events, I can go days without speaking to anyone.

Writing became a significant focus of mine. I observe cues, pay attention, and gather information during conversations that many overlook. Later, when I'm alone, I write about them. I mentally process meetings and situations before documenting them.

Last year, at an event in Abuja, one of the country’s stakeholders was the speaker. I listened attentively to his speeches and stories. A few days later, after processing the experience, I wrote a detailed account of the event and posted it on my Facebook feed. Despite not gaining much traction, it led to a meeting with the speaker. This skill facilitated a strong one-on-one relationship with him and even led to a job offer, despite my ongoing national service commitments. It's also granted me access to places and people I wouldn't normally reach.

Then, I observe people who label themselves as writers without any written content on their social media platforms. Similarly, I see individuals claiming expertise in certain skills without evidence to support their claims. The Bible verse that says "the gift of a man will make a way for him" holds true. I believe that whatever we need to become something in life is already within us. What's the use of skills and talents that aren't utilized?

Remember the parable of the servant who buried his talents without gaining more? It also suggests that other talents that are within you won't materialize until you start utilizing those already known to you. Through writing, I developed an interest in corporate and brand communication and public speaking. I discovered I'm adept at storytelling and scriptwriting, among other skills unrelated to writing. These abilities unveiled themselves as I continued to utilize the ones I was aware of.

Let your existence, actions, and presence serve as a testament to who you claim to be. Never hide what you excel at; you never know where it might take you.

Have a productive week.

Tadé

Atanda

Iyawo Oga.

Allow yourself to be used.

One of the reasons why I love to listen to successful people is because there’s always something to learn. We live in an age where people, especially young people like myself, believe in quick gratification and immediate reward for their service.

Earlier this year, I sat with one of my big brothers. The discussion that day centered around service and reward from those above you, whether a boss or any other person. Some believed they cannot allow themselves to be used by anyone without immediate reward. My brother said the mistake many young people make is to believe they must be rewarded immediately where they serve. He said that's a common assumption, but in most cases, people are rewarded for their years of service. He reinforced that people are rewarded for their service either by the person they directly serve or by another source but either way there’ll always be a reward. He also emphasized that some people miss their rewards because of the wrong attitude displayed at the verge of reward. Then, he shared his personal story.

According to him, when he was staying with his uncle, he basically served as the driver for the entire household, including driving the children to and from school and to any outings they wanted to go to. Don’t forget, this was his uncle. Anyone would call him a mere driver, and at some point, he wasn’t feeling it anymore. He felt belittled and used by his uncle as the driver when his uncle could have hired one. Don’t forget that he wasn’t getting any pay for this service.

One day, they were supposed to visit someone, and because he felt belittled as the family’s driver , he told his uncle that he wouldn’t drive them. His uncle left him in the house, and when the family returned from the outing, he overheard the children discussing how they all received money as gifts. Apparently, the person they visited was very wealthy and gave generous cash gifts to everyone who came with his uncle that day, but he missed out because of his attitude. He said he was really pained that day and regretted not driving the car. He had been doing it all along, but that day, when he was meant to receive good gifts, his attitude blocked that blessing, reshaping his mindset towards service.

I understood the message he was conveying, but the story made it more understandable and relatable. Today, this man is very successful and still dedicated to servitude.

Allow yourself to be used; allow your skills, brain, knowledge, and talent to be used. Being used isn’t inherently negative, it often means you have something of value to offer. 

Finally, when being used, accompany it with the right attitude. There will always be a reward, it may not be at the time you want it or in Tempe way you have imagined but there will always be a reward. 

Tadé

Àtàndá 

Iyawo Oga