Let me start by saying: THERE IS NOTHING LIKE COUSINS IN IGBO CULTURE. Apart from the fact that there’s no Igbo word for ‘cousin’, the tradition of the Igbo eliminates the thin sheet that departmentalizes families. It’s true that the Igbo ask: ‘Whose son/daughter are you?’ but when it comes to the traditional perception of family, there are no groups.
I remember meeting Ikechukwu in DMGS – DMGS was the first time I met him in this life. His mother is from Ufuma (a town that's far from my own town) and his father is from another state. The first day he came to my house, my father was there to assess my little friend. A question gave birth to another question until I noticed the unease on Papa’s face. He traced – with questions – the maternal family of Ikechukwu and it got to a point my father screamed:
‘Okooo nio!’
(People do not scream like this these days)
Papa screamed: ‘Okoo nio!’ and in a lower voice, he called Ikechukwu: Nwanne m.
(Nwanne literally means the child of your mother/ sibling)
Papa stood up and hugged the total stranger.
Ikechukwu, whom I met in school, was father’s Nwanne - that's the son of my father's mother: my grandmother (lol)
I later found out that one of Ikechukwu’s ancestors was related to my ancestor. Papa tried to explain but I needed to solve all my problems before cramming the blood link between me and the random Ikechukwu I met in school. But one thing was established on that day: Ikechukwu instantly became my – and my father’s – Nwanne.
In Igbo culture, ‘Nwannehood’ is like a big cult. As broad as it is, the people view it as sacred. If 2 Nwanne have an affair knowingly or unknowingly, it is a taboo to the whole land and the gods of the land must be appeased. It doesn’t really matter how distant the relationship is. The major reason people ask questions before getting married is to be totally sure that both the suitor and the bride are – not in any way – Nwanne. Some Ndแป Igbo have fallen victims of meeting a stranger only to be told that s/he is your Nwanne – and Nwanne adighi anu Nwanne (Nwanne doesn’t marry Nwanne).
As an undergraduate, I went to my uncle’s house with a girl whose mother was married from my kindred. Seeing the girl, my uncle’s countenance changed as he interrogated her:
‘Are you not X’s daughter?’
She said she was.
‘Is Y not your mother?’
‘Y is my mother.’
My uncle turned to me – still, no smile on his face – and said: ‘Hope you know she’s your sister?’
He said it as if the girl were my immediate younger sister – and that’s the message he passed.
The general use of ‘Nwanne’ is not because Igbo language lack vocabularies. No. One could simply say Nwa Nwanne Nna m (which could loosely translate to cousin) but it’s never so. I remember being asked by an elder to explain how I am related to a lady, and I said: ‘My mother is her mother’s elder sister.’
The elder I gave this explanation replied: ‘O kwa nwanne ime uno’ (she is my mother's child/sibling of the inner house).
That’s the culture – the sacred society of Igbo ethnic group.
I have a lot of siblings that I cannot tell you how we are related. I still remember the day the seniors in St Charles Special Science School insisted that I must tell them how I was related to Chikezie Chiedu; then, a PhD defence in Aeronautic Engineering would have been far simpler than attempting that question. But I am related to Chike Chiedu. He is my Nwanne – my blood. There is nothing we do in Anieto family without the presence of the Chinemelu family from Abacha - and Chikezie's mother is a Chinemelu. That’s all the explanation I need to know. Tracing the genealogy of our relationship is one thing I will never put my energy in.
Nwanne is the strongest tie in Igbo culture.
Nwanneka (Nwanne is Supreme)
Iwe Nwanne adighi eru na okpukpu (the anger towards Nwanne doesn’t get to the bone)
Onye gburu Nwanne ya aburo odogwu (He that kills his Nwanne achieves nothing)
Ubochi Nwanne, Enyi ana (No friend will ever be like Nwanne)
As primitive as the days of the ancient Igbo were, they instinctively knew not only their roots but also their family tree. And every member is treated as family. Yes, in Igbo culture, it’s either you are Nwanne or you are not. There’s nothing like cousins.
Ozii Baba Anieto
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Pic: Oba Ji Festival 2023
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