MARRIAGE BEFORE DEVELOPMENT

Do not get married before you've developed yourself to a level that you can survive on your own or with your kids without the support of whoever you're marrying.

This may sound obvious but people keep putting all their eggs in one basket and later they come out crying and acting surprised when they suddenly find themselves alone with the kids yet they never took the time to equip themselves for any job.

People change and abscond or betray you, death or disease happens and the provider now needs to be provided for, or they lose their job or income. Anything. If this happens when you had a diploma or degree or competence in welding or tailoring, the inconvenience will be shorter because you'll jump to action right away and take up the role.

But if you have to scrape and seek any odd jobs or start training from scratch, that's a hell of an experience. Think ahead and prepare.

Marriage is not a rite of passage that you need to do by a certain age or because some people expect you to do it. What you need to do by a certain point in your life, in fact, is individuation.

As soon as you're out of your parent's care you must start building your capacity for becoming a parent yourself. If you don't pay attention to this and give it priority you'll mix personal development with premature marriage and the duties and demands of marriage life will carry you away. Before you know it, time is gone and you've never trained or specialised in any skill you can work in and sustain yourself.

Never depend on the one who's marrying you to give you basic development. You're mixing issues and losing your objectivity and clarity. You might end up marrying the one who is willing to educate you rather than the one with whom you can build the life you envision. Of course when people get married they continue developing each other through further education or building a business, but the basic training that makes you capable of working should be done prior to entering marriage. Paradoxically, this level of self development will attract more respect from your partner and increase the chances of the marriage lasting a lifetime, as opposed to them knowing you're helpless without them and taking you for granted.