THIS TRUTH WILL MAKE THINGS EASY IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Always ask yourself, "What is the outcome I want for my marriage? Is it to to save it and grow my marriage or to end it?"

1. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you holding on to the friend that is causing a rift between you and your spouse?

2. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you not saying sorry for the wrong you know very well you did?

3. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you mistreating and disrespecting your in-laws?

4. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you telling anyone who cares to hear how bad your spouse is?

5. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you not forgiving your spouse and are stuck on his/her past faults?

6. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you insulting or physically harming your spouse?

7. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you not listening to what your spouse is saying to make your spouse feel accommodated?

8. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you threatening your spouse with divorce?

9. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you using sex as a weapon?

10. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you protecting your phone more than your marriage?

11. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you still holding on to the affair that is threatening your marriage?

12. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you refusing to be accountable and refusing to participate in a process where you and your spouse can talk things out or even go through counselling instead of hiding issues?

13. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you letting your pride take over?

14. If your outcome is to save and grow your marriage, why are you using your children to fight your spouse?

THE WOMAN AND HER MENTAL HEALTH

1. Realize the best relationship you can ever have is with yourself. As you care for others, don't forget you

2. Your beauty starts mentally before physically. You have a beautiful body and a beautiful smile, but are you mentally beautiful?

3. Learn to take breaks in life and breathe before you burn out and lose everything

4. Realize in life some unfortunate situations will happen to wake you up and bring to your attention that you have been neglecting yourself. When the situations happen, wake up

5. If you don't like the woman you have become because of your inner struggles, you have the power to change her

6. You can put make up on your face but you can never put make up on your mental state. Either you are really well or not

7. A bad mental state will affect your physical health. If you are getting sickly of late, check your mind

8. Never feel ashamed for prioritizing your mental well-being, even if it means others won't understand you. Only you know the battle for your mind that is taking place

9. Remember to be kind to yourself as much as you are kind to others

10. Don't take in more than you can handle. Don't set yourself up for a mental breakdown. Lessen sources of anxiety

11. Question every negative thought speaking in your mind. Be careful of the voices you give attention to

12. Be truly honest with yourself, in both your strengths and weaknesses. Be balanced. Identify your growing areas without hating yourself. Honesty is the path to healing

13. When you are in the process of healing, don't disrupt it. Heal at your pace, each step of healing counts. You will get there

13. Ask for space when you need it so that you attend to you. Space from responsibilities, space from conversations, space even from work if you need days off

14. People who care about you will respect and celebrate your process of self care

8 LEVELS OF INTIMACY

1. SOCIAL INTIMACY

This is when you enjoy someone's company in public, when you single that person out in public, when you would rather go to places with that one person because you two have a good connection

2. FRIENDSHIP INTIMACY

This is when it grows beyond just spending time to really get to know each other. When you get to know each other's mannerisms, likes, dislikes and invest in more one on one interactions

3. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

This is when you become bare and unashamed. You two get to share your fears and desires, you two get to talk about things no one else knows, you two don't have rushed conversations but you go deep in unraveling and unveiling each other and loving each other for who you truly are. This intimacy requires no walls, no pretence, you two get to a place where you can say "I feel understood"

4. PHYSICAL INTIMACY

This is when the connection goes to touch. When you two are safe and free with each other and confident in claiming each other that you effortlessly hold hands, locks arms, hold waists, spank each other, hug a little longer and cuddle

6. SENSUAL INTIMACY

This is when you two tease and arouse each other. You flirt as a couple, you turn each other on, you excite each other's senses, you dress up to give each other visual stimulation, you stroke your fingers on each other's skin, you kiss passionately, you make out

7. SEXUAL INTIMACY

This is beyond having sex. This is you two learning each other sexually and giving each other utmost sexual pleasure. This is when you two discover secrets of each other's body and drive each other crazy

8. SPIRITUAL INTIMACY

This is the highest form of intimacy, where you two join God's spirit and God's spirit downloads truths to you. You know things in the spirit about each other, you pray for each other, you see each other not as sexy bodies but human spirits

May your marriage have this 8 levels of intimacy

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde

THE WIFE WORTH FIGHTING FOR

 THE WIFE WORTH FIGHTING FOR

Is the one who...

1. Adds value, not just there to receive

2. Brings out the best in her husband by believing in him

3. Gives a man peace of mind, not stress

4. Stands by him when things get tough

5. Brings him favour and progress, not taking him many steps back

6. Is aware that she can also be wrong and doesn't mind apologizing when she is

7. Helps him make the family stand, he knows he can't do it without her

8. Is not a yes woman, she can disagree with him respectfully and give a helpful, different opinion

9. Excites him sexually, seduces him

10. Moulds him privately so that he shines publicly

11. Keeps his secrets without sharing with others his weaknesses

12. Remains faithful and doesn't give him reasons to feel insecure

13. Appreciates his efforts big and small

14. Is a good influence to the children, he knows his children are in safe hands with mom

15. Doesn't undermine, intimidate or belittle him

16. Doesn't shout at him, insult him or provoke him to anger

17. Has her own personal vision and pursues it, making him proud of her as an individual

Dear wife, are you worth fighting for or have you drained your husband with your mannerisms, attitude, tone, fights and negativity that he is thinking life can be better, more peaceful and easier without you? Are you a keeper? Are you worth fighting for? Men fight for what they value

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde

YOUR EX WILL BE LOVED:

1. One day, the ex you used to beat up will find a spouse who uses his hands to love her

2. One day, that ex you dumped because he didn't have much money, will have not just wealth but a spouse who believes in him

3. One day, that ex you dumped because you said he/she was good for nothing, will be basking in success with a spouse who sees every good in him/her

4. One day, that ex you dumped because he/she is not educated enough, will shock you by the brilliance of his/her mind and next to him/her you will see a wise spouse

5. One day, that ex you dumped because of being Godly and boring, will find a Godly spouse and the two will have a blessed marriage, you will see them living in joy then you will notice why your ex put God first

6. One day, that ex you chased away because you claimed he/she didn't add value to your life, will find a spouse who knows his/her worth

7. One day, that ex you cheated on, will find a great spouse who will be faithful just like your ex is

8. One day, that woman you impregnated and rejected, will find a man who will be by her side always and that man will also love your child because your child is an extension of the woman he loves

9. One day, the man you made fun of and claimed he is beneath your dating league, he will find a woman who sees his greatness and the two will shine, you will wish to have what they have. A great man came your way but you despised him

10. One day, the woman you dumped because she was too complicated, too irrational, too emotional; she will find a man who loves to explore her, a man who calms her emotions and gives her stability. All she needed was a man who understands

11. One day, the ex you dumped because you couldn't handle his/her dark past, will find a spouse who uses the dark past to build a bright future

12. One day, that ex you publicly ridiculed and shamed, will find a spouse who makes beauty out of the ashes you created, a spouse who covers and defends

MENTALITY AND MARRIAGE

I took time to go through some of the groups I'm following on Facebook today and I couldn't help but ponder.

The major killer of a great marriage even before it starts is "THE WRONG MINDSET"

A lot of people today are going to marriage with the wrong mindset and so, they are not even ready to get it right.

How can you think "all men are the same" and you want to enjoy marriage? Now, if I may ask, how many men have you had relationship with to draw that conclusion?

"It is in the nature of men to cheat" Are you kidding me, says who? Why conclude because you know someone cheating on his wife or probably your husband is cheating on you?

"All ladies want is money" that is your mindset and a very wrong assumption.

"All ladies are the same and they just can't change" that is absolutely wrong, Sir

All these are individual assumptions and a conditioned mindset which have destroyed a lot of marriages and still keeping some single.

It will be good for you if you can do a reprogramming, change the way you think and stop assuming. Assumption kills relationship and if you continue to assume you will continue to lose valuable relationships.

Change your mindset because you are a product of your thoughts and these thoughts come from the image you've created for yourself(assumptions)

Until you change your mindset you will never think right and take responsibility but keep passing blames.

© Bisi Lanre - Ojolo