1. My daughter, if ever your father and I cross the boundaries in your marriage, tell us. Keep us in check. Protect your marriage, even from us
2. You have seen good sides of your dad, but please don't expect your husband to be like your father. You only know your father from the perspective of a child, love your husband uniquely. My husband is my husband
3. Marriage is a beautiful thing but not the only thing in life. As you devote yourself to your husband and children, don't forget you. Grow yourself as an individual, your dreams and goals. When you are fulfilled, marriage will bring you fulfillment
4. Whatever you do for your dad and I, if you send us support or buy us things, do so together with your husband and also do the same for his parents. Don’t make them think you don’t care
5. If my father and I have hurt you while you were growing up, forgive us. Heal from your childhood trauma so that you don't wound your husband and children on our account
6. Forgive me and your dad if you watch us spoiling and loving on your children more than we did to you when you were younger, we are just trying to make up for the ways we let you down when you were a child
7. As you expect your spouse to listen to you and meet your needs, do the same for him. Both your emotions and needs matter
8. There is a narrative that women rarely apologize. Show that you are different. If your husband perceives you have wronged him, acknowledge it and tell him sorry. Cooking for him good food or buying him a wallet without acknowledging his feelings is not an apology
9. In marriage there will be different seasons, each season will require different wisdom. Be willing to learn. Don’t panic or quit in tough seasons, don't become comfortable and egotistical in good seasons
10. When you two are having challenges, don’t be quick to come to your father and I. We can easily overreact or become bias. Go to a counsellor or someone neutral. Come to us only when all else fails
11. Remember your power as a wife, your biggest power are your words and tone. Don’t be silent, speak, your voice matters but when you speak at home, speak gently, with love, and with the right tone. You have the power to set the mood. When you brighten up, the whole home brightens up
12. Don't be ashamed of your sexual needs. When you want sex, ask for it from your husband, seduce him, let yourself free to enjoy. Eventually sex will not be possible with age
13. If you ever get tired or feel overwhelmed, reach out to others for encouragement, engage in self care, breathe then continue. We need you in the right state of mind, don’t breakdown lonely
14. Never ever forget how beautiful you are. I love you and I am proud of you
© Dayan Masinde
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