It was 6am. The night vigil was over, Mrs. Kenzo was walking out of church. The Pastor stopped her.
"Mrs. Kenzo, may I please talk to you for two minutes?" Asked the Pastor.
"Sure thing Pastor, do you need my help in ministry?" Asked Mrs. Kenzo.
The Pastor smiled and said, "Wow, you are ever ready to serve. You don't even look tired after all the singing you've done during the night vigil.
Mrs. Kenzo smiled saying, "Thank you. The presence of God makes me glow"
"But as your Pastor I am concerned. I think you are neglecting your marriage and family in the name of serving God" said the Pastor.
Mrs. Kenzo had a blank look on her face.
"I see you in church almost every day. On Sundays you are in church for the service and you leave in the evening because of the women fellowship meetings. Mondays and Thursdays you come for intercessory prayers. Wednesdays you come for the mid-week service. Fridays you come for the Deliverance Services and on Saturdays when we have outreach you are there. Almost every night vigil you are there. You serve in so many ministries, you hold a couple of leadership positions. When do you ever spend time with your husband and children, especially since you are a career woman?"
"But Pastor, I love to serve God and I come to church to pray and fast for my family. I get home quickly prepare dinner, do my responsibilities then rush to church" Mrs. Kenzo told the Pastor.
"Mrs. Kenzo, why not pray and fast at home with your family? I know your husband is born again, why leave him at home alone? Make your home a prayer center, God is everywhere. But even as you pray remember prayers and fasting alone will not hold or save your marriage. Your marriage needs your presence there for God to bless it.
God will not bless your marriage in a vacuum. Your marriage needs nurturing. Quoting Bible verses alone will not keep your marriage, you need to learn to communicate and be intimate with your husband. Rebuking the devil will not keep your husband faithful if you are absent and not meeting his romantic and physical needs.
Yes, you say you do your responsibilities and rush to church, but being a mother and a wife is more than cooking, cleaning and running the home. Love equals time" the Pastor spoke.
"My husband used to ask me to do things with him, not any more. My children even call me Mama Church" Mrs. Kenzo said then gave a soft laugh.
"Your husband probably misses you and he got tired of asking for your time. Plus he doesn't want to seem like he is discouraging you from serving God. But you two are drifting apart, it's like you're married to the church" the Pastor said further.
"Pastor, don't say that" Mrs. Kenzo got defensive.
The Pastor continued, "Don't get me wrong, I am not asking you not to serve in church. But remember Church is not this building, the Church is a living body of believers that your born again husband and children are a part of.
Your first ministry and priority is your family. The Church needs strong families. Find a balance - love and nurture your marriage and family plus make time for ministry here. Always remember that here we can find people to serve when we all give some time as a congregation but your family has only one wife and one mother. No one can play your role at home"
"I have trouble saying no when asked to serve. I feel guilty" she confessed.
"Say yes to your family and yes to serve God with wisdom.
NO is not an evil answer especially when you have your priority right.
Sometimes it's easier to say yes to others than to family. Take charge of your time so that you are effective at home and here. Balance. I as a Pastor had to learn to make time for my family too.
My marriage almost fell apart out of neglect. You just need to find a workable timetable. Read the book of Acts where the Apostles turned down church roles and Stephen and others got the responsibility"
Mrs. Kenzo sighed and said, "My marriage does need some work"
The Pastor nodded saying, "Some people hide from the problems in their marriage by getting busy in church because they are lazy to work on their marriage. Don't be one of them. Do more than pray, love and be there at home"
"Pastor, I need to go and get ready for work. Next weekend, my family and I will not come for the church service. I will take my family to Mombasa. My children have wanted to go to Mombasa but Mama Church kept refusing" Mrs. Kenzo said shaking the Pastor's hand.
The Pastor shook her hand saying, " That is wonderful.You will have fun in Mombasa. Please greet your family"
© Dayan Masinde
In the book, MY PRAYER STRATEGY, Akello and I provide 60 daily prayers, 60 daily discussion points, 60 daily reflections on marriage and 60 worship songs to minister to your spirit as you two pray as a couple. This book is for couples who value prayer and also those struggling or don't know how to pray.
To purchase the book MY PRAYER STRATEGY, a 60 day prayer guide for couples that daily helps couples to pray for their marriage, written by Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 400 to 0721590954, then text the word PRAYER and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address or WhatsApp for you to download and read on your phone or computer
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